there's more to say,
but i just don't know how to explain it.

maybe we shouldnt make promises,
because it creates expectations,
in which would also create our downfall, when we least expected it.

for everything that has been happening in my life right now,
i tried. i really did try my hardest.
but no matter what i do, for however long i do,
i still am not getting things right.

maybe i'm trying too hard.

maybe no matter how hard i try,
i was not meant to be good enough.

i'm sorry for everything.

who is going to motivate the motivator who has lost his/her motivation to self-motivate, let alone motivate others.

initiatives.

it's been long since i've updated.
1 week of holidays left.
and most of it would be burnt by work as usual.
oh wells.
will update here again soon i hope.


random thoughts:

hollow.
does it mean like an empty vessel, which makes a loud noise when struck?

shallow.
does it mean the lack of depth in whatever it is referring to?

no one likes a hypocrite.
even if they are one themselves.

what i have done or will be doing this holiday:

1) Work
2) PPCDL Course
3) Final Year Project
4) Time with Family and Friends
5) Reading (finally, have got the time to do that!)
6) A teeny weeny bit of NPAP
7) Other NPCC Unit/Area matters
8) NYAA diary (i really should stop procrastinating)
9) studying for 2 theory tests... ...


overall, i'm mostly busy with work.
still undergoing the training; 2nd week at it.
pretty bad at all this. the whole new thing.
but oh wells. it's a fresh start.
it's not really something i'm good at, and i almost gave up on the second day.
really didnt expect to have to learn so much just for this job.
but i'll get the hang of it i guess.
i'm appreciating the whole new experience nevertheless.

received our results.
i had already been mentally prepared to get not-so-fantastic results.
but what i hadn't anticipate was the sheer diappointment i would still feel.
i can't complain much;
i had allowed myself to be far too distracted by that, in which have resulted in this outcome.

what i'm most worried about is how i'm going to juggle work with studies and npcc when year3 starts.
but i believe in myself . (i have to)
all i need is time management and self discipline.
because i need work, for money and for myself to be kept busy.
busy enough to lose focus of an aspect of life that isn't worth my time.
so that i can shift my focus back on studies.
and also hope to be more involved in sjc this year.
in fact, with work, i feel more alive;
it feels great to be actively learning something entirely new.
it's been quite a while since i've gone exploring new environments.
it's pretty refreshing to be working in new places with new faces.

so in less than a month's time, we're going to be year 3.
over this long holiday, i've managed to find that bit of focus and determination for studies back.
obviously, i'm going to say this:
I AM GOING TO WORK MUCH MUCH HARDER FOR THE LAST YEAR IN POLY NOW.

gotta redeem myself!
i'm ready to fight the war! (the enemy: myself)
Me vs My very own Laziness/Procrastinations


aites, shall be on my way to work now.
till then~


life is about choices and sacrifices.

holidays have been great so far.
cherishing every single moment of it! (: