running. and running.
losing stamina. losing rhythm.
dying off.
breathless.
suffocating.
that's the feeling you'd have when you start this long journey too fast.
your lungs would seem like it's about to give way.
your legs would start to wobble.
you feel as though you're getting heavier by the second.
you start to panic, wondering why are you starting to slow down.
and sometimes, a sharp pain in your chest would tempt you to just stop.
life's like this really long marathon.
if we started off sprinting, we surely will not have the energy to carry on till the end; to reach that finish line.
stamina. is what we need.
yet, stamina is what i lack.
and to add on to that, perseverance, endurance, motivation are missing as well.
can someone help me find it?
sheet.
i've lost it.
i'll wait at the lost & found counter for someone to return it back.

but the difference between life and marathon is that we can always train up our stamina before the marathon.
but how are we to prepare ourselves to live our lives?
how are we to continue living when we're starting to tire out.

are we all changing to the extent that there's no longer enough common topics to talk about anymore?

all i have to say is........
MY HOLIDAY IS SO SO EVENTFUL!!!

finally, i'm almost done with this week.
monday: training. committee meeting.
tuesday: law assignment. driving lesson. training.
wednesday: CIP at hospice.
thursday: project. caught up with yue ying and cynthia.
friday: international water week conference training. water festival prep.
saturday: youth olympics volunteers briefing.

hugga ugga rah!
-.-"

okay.
let's rant.
it's because we fear of people incapable of accepting reality, refusing to see the agonising truth, that is why we lie.
we live in a world of deceit.
we are so afraid they'll react in a way we do not wish to have to see them react.
hmmm.
i've been wanting to blog quite a number of times.
but somehow, something would always crop up before i start penning down my thoughts. or more like typing down my thoughts actually...
ah wells.
i'm not going to complain i'm exhausted.
i, too, do not want to say out all my unhappiness.
because it's childish. freaking stupid. insignificant to let others know.

jolene, why haven't you grown up yet?
when are you planning to start thinking like a sensible person?

i realised. i've become so afraid.
no courage. no confidence.
full of fears.
fears of everything.
fear of looking what lies ahead.
the changes which make me miss the past even more.
the future scares me.
cause, i have -
no strength to persevere.
no strength to carry on.
no strength at all.
so scared that i'll look away and pretend i've seen nothing.
see no fears.
playing in my own game of pretend.

children, let's close our eyes and pretend we are eagles, soaring above the skies.
children, let's use our imagination and pretend we're astronauts walking on the moon.

now, let's use our imagination and pretend that there are no worries in this world.

eh hem...

ROAR.


law paper's over.
so what if my paper was filled with words on the first page.
that doesnt mean i'm going to freaking do well.
because, i lost myself in the second half.
yes, i stoned for a good 20 mins, writing my answers down as i FORCE myself to focus what's in front of me,
not what's bothering me these past few days.

i need the people who have been with me for years.
cause i miss them.
and i'm sorry i've been so absent.

iryani bte haron.
wong yue ying.
melissa ong xue ling.
carmen neo jia min.
grace see chiew kiat.
cynthia lim yi xin.
faeezah bte mystafa.

i dont know where to start.
all i know is that
there's a whole lot of difference with your presence in my world.
thanks for everything.