we ought to be ashamed of ourselves.
had english paper today. I SCREWED EVERYTHING.

letter format - wrong

comprehension - wrong wrong wrong.


it doesnt mean tat i dont care or anything by laughing at the mistakes i had after the whole paper ends. but it's just like wat our chinese textbook said, sulking over your problem aint going to make it better. so yeah. i'm going to HAHA all the way then. sigh.

detest. dislike. hate.

i detest my life. more likely myself. i stink like rotten eggs.
i dislike my grades.
i hate this ****ed up world.


looked at the dictionary. and the meaning of detest means a stronger word of hate.
i have always thought it was the other way round.
bang bang. i shot you down. bang bang. you hit the ground.
people, grab your MUGS, get set, GO!

woke up at 11.

wrapped my physics and amaths text(:

tat was not in my schedule though. hmmm. told jodi i'll finish up all the five eoy papers by saturday. but i havent touch on them yet. sigh. i so love my physics textbook coverpage. laughs. but i think it's too exaggerating le. heh -.-"


see how i shower my books with such tender loving care(:
(it's a photocopy of the sec3 squad if you're wondering wat is tat. LOL.

so anyway. me and big bird have agreed to mug real hard for final year. so this means NO computer for the whole of the coming 2 weeks. so no blogging then. ah wells. bye people. and good luck for y'all exams(:

set a timetable for myself. in which. for the today's schedule, i'm already behind time -.-"

let me tell you wat i did today. me and grace wanted to study. so i gave her a morning call at 5am. but i was practically talking to myself huh. cause she was dozing back off when i was on the phone -_- so i mugged a little only. geog test? bad. i wrote some much when suddenly, i had this thought tat distracted me, thus i forgot the point of inadequete farming facilities!!! gosh. i'm. stooopid.
had a thought. tat wat if things turn out differently.
skit today. but felt no anxiety or watsoever. i just stood on the stage, beside christabel, bow our heads and stone. spoke a few sentence when our turn came. by the way, amanda was so cute! i was vibrating during she and laurel's turn to act. awww(:

had lunch with grace and yue ying. they were talking. whereas i, was CRAPPING. sigh. all tat i said were just a bunch of crap. went home with grace after tat. met ellena and josephine on the bus. and we were like talking bout some sick joke -.-" then "KIND" grace alighted the same bus stop with me and sent me off to the next bus. hahas. so i'm here to say tat i'm honoured. and secondly, i'm not going to give you any morning call le. humph!!!

22 september 2006.
training: none.
sad.

I'M SO DETERMINED that i'm here blogging away precious time, instead of mugging -.-"

i was sweating while doing my revision can. wat the. and i only did 2 hours of work before i went off watching some national science challenge on teevee? laughs. i was bored. so anyway. i'm heading back to studies. say yay.
curiousity ego kills the cat. i'll make sure i'll beat the life out of you. i'll throw the damn results right in your bloody face and prove to you that i can be as good. sigh. all rights. no harm done. just venting my anger over here. so, PEACE people. need some motivation only. because i've had it with being the i'm-worse-than-you person in class. arsehole.
i'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

- polish ONE more round of my np boots
- finish up amaths
- revise emaths
- finish revision for geog
- start on chemistry

all rights. tat's all i'm doing for today. considering that i was absent from school today. still must slog hard huh. i dont want to be last.

have not been blogging. wont be blogging today if my brother had not on this com. laughs. he was watching youtube, thus making my distracted with all tat. hmmm. kaes. off to finish up all these now. tata.
will people get wat they wish for? yearning to be noticed. yearning for that trust tat will never be given. wat is trust, when all tat's been lost is, faith.
9 days to final year exam.

boo.
for the first time, i've never blogged for two days. gosh.

all rights. i'm gonna rush through my day before i fill myself with some books. sigh. so lessons was okay i guess. stayed back till 5 plus to help out with the noticeboard. so people, say you LOVE the curtains all rights. ha. then compassed to have my dinner with karin before heading back home. kaes. bye world.

AND AUNTY BAOYI. i'm not kiasu can. not as good as you(: and i didnt gossip okay. maybe aunty karin did. hahas. but who wanna gossip about nan chiau's squad. me and karin were talking about OUR own sjc one lah(: sheesh. lalala.

had loads of fun today. did two tests. and i wont be suprised if i'd fail them. i know mrs thiru would be stunned with this kind of sheet i'd give her. but i really dont know wat they talking about. sheesh...
15th.
lessons as normal. cd period. watched the plays. well. not all. missed 3I one. awww. i dont get to see mummy and daddy on stage. ah wells.
but it doesn't concern you.
went off to for some physics microelectronics activity at tamasek poly. the lecture was all right. the food was nice(: and the code thingy was fun. yay. on the bus, me, yue ying and amanda sat together on a two-seater. we skinny wat. then amanda sat on my lap. so ticklish please. we laughed and screamed in the bus -.-" everyone looked at us can. so i END UP sitting on yue ying's lap listeninig to jay chou songs(:

rushed to training. no voice. talk also no one can listen wat. so i only spent an hour on training. and that was it for the whole year's official npcc trainings. then compass-ed. ate and crap TONS. with me laughing for the whole world to hear, non-stop like some machine gun. they were no better lah hor, karin, yue ying, atiqa, bernice, melissa, cecilia. laugh until -.-"
i like to laugh. and laugh even more when i'm...
then wong yue ying was playing catching with wong bao yi when baoyi collided into a small boy. not only tat, she fell ONTO the boy!!! then he started crying and his mother started scolding. well. i would be crying too if i were to be crushed under a 15 year old girl that is three times of my height -.- but i was thanking god that the satay stick he was holding near his face, if no one ever noticed, did no harm to both him and baoyi. and bestie, please take care of your waist o.0 laughs.

before i blog,
i would like to say GET WELL KARIN LUM(:

see lah. told you not to share drinks with me you dont believe. now you've got fever. which all leads to sore throat, runny nose and cough right? tsk. and you missed training today ):

did all the basic rifle drills within this whole training. amazing that our squad is able to learn tat fast. tsk. well. i was dozing off actually. practically falling asleep both during class and during training. so i shall go take a nap after this. nites people.

homework's piling up and the worst thing is, tat i can't sit my butt on the darn chair to do them all. i owe mr yeo many many homework -.-" hai.

sick today. woke up at 6.38am. thanks to grace's call -.- she and lynnette ma'am were at the bus stop waiting for me. lol. so when i hung up the call, i went back to sleep. and then called a cab 10 mins later, and flew off to school.

first runny nose. then now blocked nose. not funny can. but anyway. we managed to drag ss test to thursday. yeah. more time to study(: plus my physics test on tat day too. how. i'm scared. mrs thiru nagged at us today. sigh. and i realised tat i can't afford to fail the end of year paper.

went cynthia's house to have lunch. ate panadol with herbal tea. yay. i love cynthia. thanks for the meal today. so karin, me and cynthia ate fruits, chips, watched a little teevee(and i dozed off afterawhile). ah wells. i'm tired. i shall finish up my homework now. and then practice a little footdrill for tomorrow's training.

qian yi: linked(:
baoyi: duh. jay chou sing for me one wat(:
cynthia: hahas. dots.
karin: hahas. more like i was sleeping like a PIG -.-"
yue ying: i'm reading very fast le lor. tsk.

all rights. still blogging. have loads of things not done yet. hmmm. shall take a nap first. anyway. i dont know wat to say. hmmm. i know. i've set my priorities right now. study comes first. wait. SAFETY'S ALWAYS FIRST. laughs. lame. so I SHALL STUDY. zZz.
trying so hard. but wat's the use. no one takes me seriously in wat i'd to say. just because i was a failure. now a failure. and will always be a failure. duh-
so i'm never going to take any of these as a joke anymore. this time, i'm for real.

the whole internet server seemed to be down. and there are only 5 people online out of over 100 contacts in my list -.-"

hmmm. anyway, there was a steve irwin tribute yesterday. animal planet had a 24 hours marathon of all his shows. and i spent 4 hours on my couch watching. sigh. sad.

so anyway. first day of school was rather short. left class earlier for our road safety park. i was having a runny nose. my nose felt like as if it was practically going to fall off sooner or later. and perhaps running off with a trail of... laughs. went compass after tat. then -.-" sat bus with karin. and when i woke up, i found no one beside me and i was at thomson road. humph. so i took a detour back home. alone now. off to mug. take care people.


"the old trixie felt like part of a group. the new trixie felt alone, even when she was surrounded by people. the old trixie would have taken one look at the new trixie and dismissed her as a total loser."

doing the illustration for the physics project now. bored. gonna rush through my emaths after this. and then maybe have a short night story before i sleep. so much homework i realised. laughs. and there's a chem test?! gosh. thanks val. i didnt know -.-"

i dont want to give mrs chan. there's no honour i'd feel. because. i did nothing. contributed nothing. bel, can ask someone else to do? sigh.

finished tuition!! YESSHHHH!!!
why are you drawing a line. or am i the one being so immature. sigh.
(:
i'm staring at your birthday gift. to give or not to.
raychel: denise sexy?! then i sexier!! hahas. sure. outing soon(:
grace: thanks for the previous flooding as well. hahas(:
cherly: miss you, bro(: thanks for being there.
yue ying: thanks for tat flooding -.-" papaoCHA(:
rebecca: oh becca, you need not lie to yourself(: my name's so gorgeous please. say no more!! wahahahas. and you playing with yourself arh -.-"
karin: you dont flood?! has the sky fallen? (:
baoyi: hahas. how can bestie want to kill me): the most i shall haunt you back yeah(:
maylene: miss you much much too(:

hmmm. back home. finally got the jay chou album. waiting for my brother to come home so tat i can watch another round. laughs. all rights. i'm going to finish up my homework now. sigh.
i'm not emo. wat the. sigh. just tat. i've lost faith in everything.
people seemed to hear the gossips.
and never care to find out why,
and whether it could be just another lie.

i'm never gonna touch on sushi ever again!! went out with people today. met yue ying and karin for the english project. snap some pictures at the singapore river before heading to city hall for lunch. me and karin almost puke everything out. anyway. I WON KAES. I ATE MORE THAN YOU LAH(: you dapao so much home. hahaha. and was i pro or was i pro(:


WAAAAH!!! singapore river isH sHo looong(:

went walk walk after tat. saw the jay chou cd. but when we wanted to collect ours today, the lady told us tat the stock at compass havent come in yet. so we have to go back compass again tomorrow... humph. so anyway. shopped for karin's brother's birthday -.-" then train-ed home. celebrated my father's birthday. and amazingly, i still could eat so much barbequed fish(: while karin didnt even touch her brother's birthday the steamboat. LOL. SO I WIN OKAY!!!


JAY CHOU ALBUMS(:

this feeling stinks. to be accused of. i didnt know it would hurt so much. but i'm gonna face all the consequences then. even if i've to ... ... ...

yay. 8th september now(: gonna get my jay chou album. then meet karin and yue ying to take pictures for our english project. gosh. it's friday already?! i havent studied. sigh. all rights. i'll study tonight. humph... ... ...
3 months ago.

melissa ong: the picture was cute. you've been there for me since we were sec1. i sometimes wonder if i'm a good enough laopo for you norts. cause i know i wasn't there for you many times. sigh. i miss you laogong!!

grace see: thanks for the sweet little sms. and always making me laugh with your nonsense(:

yue ying: big bird knows how to roar. hmmm. lalala(:

cynthia: -.-"

atiqa: i miss you and i'm still sorry.

cecilia ng: hellos too(:

baoyi: hmmm. dont know leh. laughs.

i'm not gonna look back now. hmmm(:

firstly,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DADDY!! hope you like the PRESENT(:

morning. karin came to my house and helped me with all the junk food. then we left to get the birthday cake before cabbing to her house. amanda came after tat.

then!! three of us panic when yue ying said she and cynthia were walking here already. so karin was busy lighting up the candles down the hallway. while i was lighting up the cake and making the bed. amanda did a nice banner for her too. lol.

then. SURPRISE. haha. lame.

cynthia said it was her first time cutting the cake -.-" then she took a not-very-long time to burst finish the balloons. karin, cecilia, amanda, yue ying and i wrote little notes and stuff them into these nice balloons and let her find every number one by one. say AWWW(: we're so sweet. you can practically die of diabetes(: hee. then we presented our birthday girl our presents. i GAVE CYNTHIA... ... hahas. have to thank karin for lending me her ribbon. so tat i could wrap myself like a gift. then presenting myself to her. laughs. and yue ying's present was so SCARY can. lol.

mahjonged. movie-d. and spent the rest of the time talking on karin's bed.
then this THREE WARRIORS.
yue ying. amanda. cynthia.
"sit up straight."
"ROAR!!!"
wat the... -.-" so lame. laughs. also played pillow fight. but i was not in a mood. sigh.

then compass-ed with cynthia to buy stuff. then went her house downstairs for awhile. hmmm. can't wait for tomorrow's release of jay chou's latest album. yay. book one album already. got poster some more. hahas.

you didnt know how much i yearn for you to talk to me.
dont lie to me again.
i knew the truth behind your fake smile ALL ALONG.
and before you know it, i'll be out of your life.
maybe tat way, you could be happy.
every single memory i had with you would be erased.
and replaced, shall be my hatred now.
i hate myself for actually once believing in those words.
NO ONE EVEN TELL ME THE NAMES. SIGH. I WAS NOT THE ONE WHO SAID TAT!!!
someone told me a different story. and when the someone turn her back. she said another. i guess i was fooled by tat someone once more.
NO ONE BELIEVES ME.

bored.

feel like talking on the phone now. but no one to talk to. sigh. i should talk to my pillow then. nites people.
people would say i'm stupid to be crying over this.

i feel like closing down my blog. it's useless.
i dont want to see you ever again. you made me so angry tat i actually cried. go away. shoo. you dumb hypocrite. i dont want you to act in front of me. you can just say it. so why cant you say it. so why cant i say it either. take everything lah. i give them all up for you. just leave me alone. i can't wait to get out of this school. never to see such a mean person like you ever again. two-sided freak.

it seems like the fault totally lies with me. i should have checked with mr chan. i'm a bloody idiot. no. i dont deserve this. i totally suck. just go and hate me. you have every right for tat. wat the heck. no one even know tat i'm... argh. i know i'm stupid. failing in everything i do, unlike you all. it's perfectly understandable tat you would detest me. but i didnt say TAT. it wasnt me. so can someone at least clear my name? it really wasn't... tat's another part of the story where... argh. so why does it seem like that person always get away scot free. you took everything away from me already. you made me cry more than enough. and now. sigh. forget it. wat for pinpoint others. when the start, it should be my fault. i dont wanna go for any training. i knew you'd not be happy. in everything i do seriously. even when i put in so much effort. i'm just so inferior to you all. i'm stupid. i should have quit this cca back when i was sec2. because i knew tat i would bring down the standard of this cca tat everyone has greatly contributed.
atiqa: maaf. adik dumb. saya tahu kak mau pergi lah. sigh. saya cinta kamu. lots.

"sleep early. tomorrow's the competition. nights(:"

hmmm. thanks yue ying. all i need now is someone who actually cares for me genuinely. hmmm. no one even know what i'm actually losing precious beauty sleep over about. laughs. things are better left unsaid huh.
i am who i am. if you dont like tat, you can just tell me right in the face.
DOWN WITH THE HYPOCRITES!!!
ah wells. i'm bored. it's 11.20pm now. time flies awfully fast you see. i was stoning in front of the com and a moment later, i realised. i've been online for the past 4 hours already. sigh.

have been listening to my own blog song for at least an hour now. ha. all rights. i ought to sleep soon. my mother's fetching me, karin and yue ying to school tomorrow. nan yang, here we come.

i'm rather lazy to do this... haha. but since ahbang ask me one, i shall be a kind soul to finish up this quiz(:

Five snacks i enjoy:
1. chocolates
2. ice-cream
3. potato chips
4. candy
5. instant noodles

Five songs i know all the lyrics:
1. jay chou - fa ru xue
2. fort minor - where'd you go
3. aaron carter - i'm all about you
4. mcfly - it's all about you
5. the song tat never ends ((((((:

Five things i would do with $100million:
1. buy presents for my family and friends
2. donate some for charity
3. get myself a nice home with a nice wardrobe
4. do a make over with my always-so-messy hair and ugly complexion
5. save(:

Five places i would run away to:
1. singapore
2. singapore
3. singapore
4. singapore
5. singapore
i'm patriotic.

Five things i will never wear:
1. thick disgusting make-up
2. bikini
3. PINK things
4. g strings
5. sleeveless tops

Five bad habits:
1. procrastination
2. gossipping is a sin
3. being so vain these days
4. throwing tantrum recently
5. blogging TOO MUCH.

Five biggest joys:
1. friends & family
2. being in npcc
3. good acedemic results
4. no finacial problems
5. being healthy and fit(:

Five famous people i would date:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
i'm not falling for tat agian.

Five people to do this quiz:
1. karin
2. yue ying
3. michelle
4. christabel
5. baoyi

hmmm. qian yi said the new milubing ablum's coming out on the...


8th september -.-"

say yay everybody. i'm gonna get my hands on both jay chou and milubing on tat very morning(:
today, i found out the truth behind all these lies. thanks huh. but somehow, i've nothing left to be angry at. just feel like slitting your throat only. and then digging out your worthless heart. tat's all. say yay.
and mel. please change your link. i'm no longer "bad taste jolene". thank you.

reply to tags

raychel & denise: -.-"
cynthia: wah lau. who wants to strip in front of this pervert. ha. i got bathe you meh during sec1 ug camp? dont remember actually. LOL.
yue ying: i had clothes on right. NOT NAKED. gosh. how did you pass your english comprehension one. angry. -.-"
karin: -no comments- (:
baoyi: i wasn't angry. i was sad. -.-" oh ya. wat if i leave earlier than you. then who's gonna give me a lift up to heaven?
qian yi: YAY. haha(:
cecilia: hahas. i miss you too dear(:
melissa: you cannot get any lamer -.-


back from school. amaths. emaths. went compass to have my meals too. hmmm. tomorrow's horizon challenge already. need to reach school by 6.45am tomorrow. hmmm. all rights. tat's my boring crappy life. i should mug now. goodbye world.

"i understand. i know how you're feeling"

no. you dont understand. you won't. you can never feel wat i feel. because you are not in a situation whereby you have to choose something over someone. thus, behind all these decisions tat we make, we would always have our reasons. thought you'd understand. perhaps it was true all along. tat a line must be drawn in the VERY beginning. so tat the change would not hurt any. my mistake. my stupidity.
i dont need your attention. i'm not some attention seeker seeking for your attention. i didnt ask for you to enter my blog. dont say you'd be there for me. nor ask me to cheer up. there's no reason for tat.
if i were to tell you the truth, how would you react. no one would like to hear themselves being critised.

back.

went pulau bukom today. it was nice to see a place like this, which not everyone could get to see. laughs. hmmm. anyway. nothing much to update. oh yeah. enjoyed dinner with bernice today. BUT SOME HUGE FLY LANDED ON MY SPOON. and i mean HUMUNGOUS. humph. simply love jalan kayu prata still. ha. kaes. tata world.

why can't you tell me wat's been bothering you. sigh. i need some time alone right now. well. i AM alone all this while. wat's been done can never be undone.

okay world.
i'm back here blogging once again. well. i was thinking about wat BIRDY said. tat i "always never reply tags one" mwahaha. but i've decided to reply after centuries of considerations now(:


jieying: i've linked you up already miss ong(:

baoyi: hmmm. thanks. but i think you need more cheering up instead. take care all rights.

des: must remember our ice-cream treat yeah. soon!(:

melissa: i'll never be angry because i love you too much you silly. anyway. who said i was angry with you? -.-" AND nic is not hairy. why you go observe his leg for wat?! haha.

raychel: hi(:

anon: thanks for being there for me all the time. i've missed the times we shared together. and i'll always keep the letters you gave close to my heart. i know i have not been replying these. but each and every word you wrote meant so much to me. i love you. a friend of course. haha. dont think wai wai(:

cynthia: haha. i think you read wrongly. EVERYONE THERE was waiting for milubing. and when they're done with their performance, everyone left. MEANING tat they were waiting for their item only. so once they are done with their one, everyone went home. eh. understand?

yue ying: i dont know wat to say. i've been seeing you for the past few days. so wat i want to say, all say le. ha. so i'll just say a word then. LOVES(:

i'm tired.

back from church. cherly invited me, karin and yue ying there. imai's speech was touching(: sjc was so enthu there. and we won catholic high. yay. okok. i know it's lame. but at least we won 60 pizzas -.- so i ate 4 slices of pizzas. then we left to buy some shoe before heading home. laughs. all rights. i'm done. bye world.

THIS IS THE SECOND TIME DOING THIS THANKS TO TAT BIRD. humph. >.< enjoy(:

Name twenty people you can think of right now.
Don't read the question(s) until you've named the 20 people.

1. karin
2. yue ying
3. cynthia
4. melissa ng
5. melissa ong
6. bernice
7. christabel
8. amanda
9. faeezah
10. valerie
11. jodi
12. atiqa
13. saleha
14. jie ying
15. iryani
16. grace
17. daphne
18. shah
19. michelle leong
20. rebecca

how did you meet #14?
teacher's day dance if i'm not wrong.

what would you do if you didn't meet #1?
without mummy karin, i'll be an orphan ):

what if #9 and #20 dated?
faeezah and rebecca?! haha. *DELETES TAT THOUGHT*

would #6 and #17?
bernice and daphne?! haha. *DELETES TAT THOUGHT* as well(:

describe #3.
cynthia's always there to listen. and she's such a funny daddy(:

is #8 attractive?
amanda? she's a really HOT goose(:

describe #7.
bel? too much to describe. hardworking. determined. committed to her darling npcc. good at her studies. and has a very HOT prince, ME(:

what would you do if #18 confesses he/she likes you?
.
..
...

what language does #15 speaks?
malay. english. fish language. BLOOP(:

who is #9 going out with?
i'm not tat kaypo to go interfering in other people's life you know(:

how old is #16?
14 years old.

when was the last time you spoke to #13?
today on msn.

#2's favourite band or singer?
IT MUST BE JAY CHOU(: hahaha.

is #19 single?
-no comments- (:

what is #10's last name?
lim(:

would you ever be in a relationship with #11?
jodi's straight. i'm neutral. we are all happy people(:

school of #3?
CHIJ SJC.

#6 live?
bishan(:

favourite thing about #5?
kindest girl i've ever known(: always there to cheer up her friend in need.

have you seen #2 naked?
if you count normal changing parades in... is HALF NAKED okay? haha.

I'M BACK, WORLD.

goodness. i really miss the CONCERT @ HOME TEAM ACADEMY. >.<

so me, karin, qian yi and vivien set off to chua chu kang for the official openinig of the home team academy. well... it's not really new if you come to think of it. laughs. reached there around 6. got free groudsheets(:


and free light sticks too(:


the only one tat we were waiting for was MILUBING. but...



singapore idol; maia lee had to sing first.


AND SO MANY OTHERS TAT I DON'T KNOW. laughs. junyang of project superstar.


oh yeah. singapore idol finalist were here too. and paul twohill still had a bad hair day till now -.-" MAYBE HE NEEDS OUR HAIRGEL(:


and at 2130. project SUPERBAND!!! the runner-up SOUL... -.-"


then taufik came singing. zZz... but i loved the spf band(:


MILUBING AT THE VERY END OF THE WHOLE ENTIRE SHOW. almost at 2200 can. WAHAHAHA.


SO NICE(: and when they are done singing, ALL OF THE PEOPLE AT THE FRONT PACKED UP AND LEFT. hahas. only some bothered watching till the end. -.-" ha. make us wait for two hours can. humph.

so anyway. had a great time towning with yue ying and karin today. and screaming with qian yi and karin at hta(: and we stayed till the end of the whole concert yeah. and nic waved at US!!! gosh cynthia. dont be jealous yeah. but i'm not those idol crazy fans tat go GOOGOOGAGA over them. LOL. hmmm. reached home at 2330. and i've been thinking about the days i have not touched on my MOP or TEXTBOOK le.
there. i met you after all this while. and i realised tat. my heart had not skip a beat this time round.

i dont understand why is it tat i must always end up quarrelling with somebody. is it my ego or is it just them. i'm tempted to go back to my older self, where i'd give in to watever you guys say, and then hiding in the corner, crying and enjoying the self-inflicted pain. at least i could avoid an arguement. without having to affect my friendship with others. fighting for wat you feel is right aint gonna work. cause i was never right in the beginning.
forget it. i can't change the fact tat the project's overdue now.

wat the hell is wrong with you, jolene?
i hate you.
for pissing people off.
for not doing your homework.
for arguing with people.
for being so immature.
wat is the matter with you, jolene.
you suck. you're unreasonable. fugly. stupid.
you have no friends because you're just a useless crap.