i lost my phone.

i feel like i've been shut out from this world.

i want it back. i want my wallet back. where's my ezlink card. where's my house keys. where's everything.


why must all these happen to me before marksman competition. i wanna prove to them that i am as good as the rest are.

i'm bored here. so i'm posting another entry for fun. haha. just read bel's blog. and it reminded me to start packing my bag for atc. haha. HOWEVER. bel, i'm not really excited about camp. i'm too lazy to climb all those mountains and hills again. laughs. bought lots of tidbits for tomorrow. gonna stay at home and start doing more productive stuff alright.
they would look at everyone with pride in their eyes. how proud they are to have all you guys in their cca. whereas me, they would not even bother. they would be more than happy to see me quit since i'm just so useless to this organisation. i should be ashamed. yearning to be in such a nice department. when others have contributed so much more, for the past two years, into npcc. and to be honest. cca is best. without any stupid posts.

lalala. back from school. amaths extra lesson was so long. humph. two hours... so anyway. yesterday. went to school to put my amaths textbook in the locker and flew off shopping for some clothes with yue ying. then right. on the way to city hall right, mel and yue ying just had to play with the travellator. it wasn't really loud at all... just a few screaming here and there. -_-" hmmm. i also bought some wonka bar. yay. afterwhich we headed to the dentist to get my braces colour changed back to green(:

had fun bbq-ing at seasons park condo too. BURN lots of food. haha. then we met some gay. er. laughs. then headed to karin's place to stayover. mahjong-ed. but amanda and karin were feeling so sleepy lah. no atmosphere one. humph. so me and yue ying were forced to end the game right? hahas. then at bed, i realised that you should never sleep with amanda at night. tsk. she KICKS.

it's been awhile tat i've such a nice long sleep since camp. and then. i realised i forgot to polish my boots for marksman competition. shall start polishing it later. ahaha. we must all look smart on tat day. though the results may not be so tat promising. hmmm. ate alot just now. i'm gonna be fat. heehee. will be staying over at karin's house tomorrow. and there's a bbq tomorrow evening for campcraft team too. yay. more fattening food. -.-" lalala. i must start studying soon. zZzz...

gonna start watching the ring on channel 5 once i finish blogging...

hmmm. family day was a blast. ice cream float was selling fast. practically went round the school with my squadmates and juniors. they were actually dragging me to their stalls to buy their stuff. later i become fat, it'll be you guys fault. ahaha. played at cynthia's class game. water balloons(: one word to describe tat... WET. haha. then there's this haunted house thing, in the rifle range. it aint scary at all. karin was the only one screaming. while me and cynthia were like trying to BE scared. -.-" but i would still give credits for the nice decorations they have put up. lol. but the second floor one right. we like waited for so long and were made to go back after tat, due to the time constraint. but had a great time with them while waiting huh. all those hairy experiences. laughs. and. chermaine gave me a hot chocolate facial. humph...
but still, i'd rather be over there in syf training. i want to train. i want to improve my footdrill. i want to be there with all the rest of my squadmates. however, the teachers just feel tat i've spend too much time on npcc. but it's not even illegal okay, so cant they keep their opinions to their self? sigh. dont drag my cca down with this. but i know miss su wants to help. she's the best(:

after family day, went out with iryani and grace. played percussion. but i was like sheet. ha. and grace was like so pro. went to have a nice meal at swenson after tat. iryani and i ate so much tat we couldnt even walk properly. i'm serious! haha. then i went home and grace tagged along. hmmm. thanks you two. thanks for being there. i miss those times we would crap all day all long together. loves.

my mother is really proud of me. not. but must you drag my cca down with this.

had marksman practice. cynthia and christabel came to my house before that, and we three ate so much junks. ha... today's the last practice shoot. sad. and i still cant do the first pressure second pressure accurately. sigh.

you may doubt my ability. you may look down on me. just dont come telling me how badly you have done for your exams. it can never be compared to mine. nothing can be any worser. go away. you proud, egoistic arse): hurt.-

started my day with getting a suprise from my locker. haha. thanks grace. now there's a new addition to my soft toy family. with kiki inside(:

mass was all right. i managed to pull it through without falling asleep. this year's gospel singing was such a disappointment. but still, i think 3E & 3G were great. go endurance(: lalala. for scrabble, 3E got runner up. haha! so cool man. then 3E and 4G were the one only ones who got no serious booking in the whole of semester 1. but i thought it was impossible cause some of us... sigh. so anyway. also had house and cca leaders investiture. uniform group aint included i guess.

had np meeting. our squad. sigh. is obviously splitted already. adeline lau ma'am once told us to treasure the times we had as a cadet. cause once you're a nco, you guys will be having different roles. hmmm. we wont be together as often anymore. i miss adel lau ma'am. sigh. i see disappointing things just now. so anyway. finally made my decision. so what to do. let mr pang decide lor. i'm not pinning any high hopes on myself afterall.

went out with yue ying and daphne after tat. it was fun. poor lost little innocent child, amanda, tagged along. lalala. ate jalan kayu prata. had an enjoyable time. went home after tat. it was raining real heavily. ang mo kio was flooded. i saw mud but no road at one point. it was so WET.

heehee. celestine sent me this. awww. she's so sweet. thanks(:

my third post of the day.

princess mel. she assumes that ANYTHING tat comes across our path would definitely be a lizard. haha. she is so LAME. no one can be lamer than her. she's our blossom(pirated one) and she likes pink. which i disagree tat it is nice. her finger nails are so darn sharp. and she took a decade to cut ONE FINGER NAIL. bleah.-

apparently, this is my second post of the day. due to some girl by the name of carmen neo who wants me to blog ALL ABOUT HER. yeah? hahas.

well. she's really those very talkative kind of people when i first saw her. ahaha. and now after camp, i've concluded that she's crappy all right(: say, she's one of those hyper np people. lalala. and i'm not soft spoken >.<

back home from school. had emaths and amaths before recess. man. mr yeo was talking about his experiences in the past. he seemed so into his conversation than going through our emaths paper2. revised completing the square during amaths. while... the whole of after recess were all free periods!! bel and i were eating openly during CME lessons. while chinese, me, amanda and bel were all dreaming sweetly throughout mother tongue.

after school was horrible. going home tat time, me and mel walked to the pasar malam. bought one nice juicy sausage. yum. and some other stuff too yeah. hah. then went to the very far away toilet -_-" OH YA. while walking tat time, mel got frightened by a lizard similar to the shape of a hotdog!! ahaha. and then she got another shock of her life because of some misunderstanding yeah. lalala.

wanna thank amanda and christabel for getting me some yoghurt. i love them LOTS. and also melissa, cecilia and cynthia for trying to cheer me up too(:

went school today. tired. hmmm. girl guides, st john and np people were all so lethargic today. we practically slept through pe lesson at the bench. then me, christabel and amanda went to eat mee at serangoon before we went home. three of us talked everything about ugcamp. bernice didn't come school:( i'm so hyper now. time to blog a long post. and it'll be all about camp!

sjcnpcc 6th batch is all grown up now. darn. should have treasured those days when we were still campers. missed those days... getting punished as a squad together. laughing and crying together. haha. through this camp... amanda has learnt how to COOK. and bel have learnt to PLAN. while me? laughs. shall leave that to my reflection. ahaha.

yay.
it was really fun to be with the sec1s throughout the camp. i must say... they are really fast learners(: their footdrill were so cute. omg. group 2 practiced their keluar baris and it was the funniest thing me and jacqueline ma'am have ever seen! hahas. shall not elaborate on that. so anyway, played a game with them during third day footdrill. gave them turning commands with their eyes closed. caught some peeping. tsk. but most of them turned the correct direction. i'm proud of you guys. keep it up kaes? loves.

camp is over.
off to sleep.

OFF TO CAMP.

wow. so late le. but i must blogged about today. had amath lessons. but the rest of the time was free period. yay. but boring. laughs. miss lim told us the remarks for our oral. but she didnt say the marks! well. had a HUGE PRONUNCIATION MISTAKE on my picture desciption. you wont guess wat word can be wrongly pronunced into a vulgarity! omg. i'm so embarrassed.

so anyway. marksman shoot. i was so hyper today. had so much fun with all the FAKE clinic... fastfood restaurant and escalator. laughs. shooting was horrendous. everything was wrong. and my blister burst and comes bleeding out?!?! i dont know. ha. i'm crapping. ah wells. time to do our project research now. laughs. byebye.

camp's coming. i wont expect much from myself. how do i earn any respect when i am not worthy to lead.

argh.

lessons tomorrow. i feel so drained out to even stay awake in class. and i dont have the face to see the teachers when i've disappointed them so much... sigh. got back all our papers today. dont wanna talk about it. hmmm. this maths workshop thing... is all right. i wanted to go home early. i need a break. nothing much else left to say. so nites then people. i just wanna sleep my sorrows away.

shoot wat sheet. my fingers still numb from all those first pressure second pressure thing. irritating. cant even aim now. eyes barely opened, and all so dry. because of my failures to achieve the teacher's expectation of us.

i dont wanna go schooling.
i've come to a realisation that i didnt work hard enough to achieve the best results. i shall do my homework from now onwards. i shall do my best till the very end. i shouldn't give up when it isnt over yet.
cant sleep.
why cant you people have a little respect for the leaders that had been chosen AND the respect for the members who is under you. leader or not. there should be a little respect.
so bored now.
the upcoming major event means alot to us huh. well, i dont like it one bit. because all seemed too busy looking at other people's faults. instead of theirs. i realised that it hurts to see them breaking down. these 7 days will be something very not nice to go through. and if anyone realised. we've actually survived all that together before. as a team. and now we're in this situation together. awww(: iloveyou guys.
sigh.

very tHe tired now. laughs. school was boring. there wasnt any lesson due to all those photo-taking. humph. make me bring so many books... hmmm. physics paper was out. happy yet disappointed. well? wat to do. i'll always be the last few in my class despite all these.

had practice shoot today. bel, faeezah, cynthia, cecilia and i set off to ang mo kio police center after school. my fingers are sooo numb now. i shall conclude that i will not expect much for my marksman competition... -_-" i'm tired. i wanna go take a nap. and i dont wanna go wat maths enrichment. it's a waste of time... sigh.

happy mother's day.

WAH. IT'S BEEN A TIRING DAY.

do you know how tiring it is to wait there for my group to come back?!?! LOL. nah. i was just joking. so anyway, went to school to meet melissa, bernice, yue ying, cynthia and lijun. my group's so funny. i dont understand why neutron love to laugh so much. ha. they did their flag, tags & cheers today. hahas. it was fun to be with them:) hmmm... back to serious business here. this meeting today, i could see the sec2 seniors in all groups getting so stressed up. it'll be tough on them for the next few days. yovi yesta, terrorist and invincible were really great too. i saw many potentials today. well? i dont know... yay. heard about the nco shirt that karin and cecilia have been working on. it's gonna be great!

so let me tell you about my way home. some terrorist came and tortured me till i almost died. but i wont just leave without going camp right. laughs. still got ATC and marksman okay! i wont die so early. tsk.

just a general statement i thought of...
wat if this may be that ONE TIME that you're the one who's wrong. wat if i'm right. and that the fault's yours instead of mine, like wat you'd always do, pushing the blame to other people.

PART II of my entry of the day. mel forced me to blog more. but apparently, my life's boring. hmmm. MEL JUST DECLARED WAR WITH NEUTRONS. HAHA. dont think about it. TERRORIST will never win. good gals win. we'll win nobel prize:) laughs.

hmmm. yeah. i know wat.

let me tell you my first impression of some of my friends when we're sec1. (by alphabetical order)


atiqa.
mistook her name as ANTARTICA. haha. get it? laughs. sweet and tAll. so super hyper active. so damn loud too. perhaps she has adnormally large lungs.

bernice.
often mistook her for melissa. she's so quiet. but ya. she's crappy all right. tsk. she's super fit and cute. lalala. she's gay(:

cecilia.
the very noisy girl. come to think of it. she's our very first timer in our squad when valerie ma'am was still around. likes to laugh like sheet girl. lol.

christabel.
so darn serious in her work. i remember her as the very hyper np girl. always the one who takes the attendence. always the one who never will be absent. laughs.

cynthia.
people often mistook me as her. apparently, SOMEONE still do till now. she was the one who asked me to put npcc as one of my choices in my cca. without her, i wont be here. laughs. she's been with me all these while.

faeezah.
she's the crappiest girl that can ever be. apparently, she produces a lot of FOAM when she comes under stress. let's be relistic yeah. all i know about her in sec1 was, she's that quiet girl who had joined barely three months and became top few in campcraft test.

melissa.
often mistook her for bernice. a damn quiet girl. CAN YOU BELIEVE TAT. laughs. but never judge people by their looks. she's a real big bully okay. dumb terrorist. you dare and come and bomb my school!?!? i'll gorge out your eyes(:

karin.
the very the funny girl. got to know her in that cheerleading competition. she's the one who knows how to split. yep. tat's all i know about her. tsk. short term memory yeah.

yue ying.
she was one of the creative producer in the makings of 21 little pigs with cecilia. she looks damn fierce in sec1. and people from afar fear her. she angry with you can cry all night all long de. tsk. but she's just as lame as our crab.

yep. tat's about it. yay. happy reading mel!!!

you see. there is this blossom who thinks she is a very preeeety princess. however... she's pretty lah. but. she loves pink toooo much. and she's a big bully. MY CURVE RULER SO PRECIOUS LAH. humph.

so anyway. happy vesak day people. today went karin's house to polish boots. then kaypo a lil while in our new nco shirt. we're old now. called like so many companies but only a few picked up. the shirts were so ex. hai. one minute we're cadets, the next minute, we're ready to pass out. *FAINTS* just one year to go. aye. shooting training next week. shall pack my camping stuff tomorrow. laughs. byebye world.

wait.

quiet...

hmmm. everyday you'll see a girl so blue. she's no longer green like wat she used to be. sigh. i saw my chemistry paper. it wasnt good to other people. but to me, it was better than i expected. well, i expected not much of tat. but english? i cant stand it. i wanna jump down a building. and. you guys can just help me burn these papers and i'll see it in hell.

fine. i'm just another boring outdated girl. i lost my sense of humor. one joke also cannot crack. i dont wanna be some kind of lame-O. sigh. had photo taking. bel was strangling me during the class photos. then lydia suggested that we become angels for our cca fun shot. it was hella fun there. had this meeting with my camp group too. nice trying to get to know them. i played dress up with my new set of np uniform just now. laughs.

but wait.

just wait...

you have no right to scold me. i know. i forgot. you are perfect. and i am not. i know you have every reason to look down on me. my results. my dressing. my way of life. forget it. i'm just a detestable pest in everyone's eyes. i'm sick of this.

and then.

you didnt call. you didnt keep your words. why aint you here when i'm feeling most terrible. you dont need me anymore huh. forget it. everyone has their new friends. you can just dumb away the old.

boo. i'm tired. but i cant sleep. i'm hungry. but i've got nothing to eat:( so anyway. i think i did really badly for my humans this year.

geography. 2190/02. GONE.-

just slap me in the face please. i'm just dumb. hmmm. slept at 12.30am today and woke up at 3.00am to resume my study. i skipped a couple of meals to think i have more time to study... i thought i could make it. but i didnt. maybe i should go on a hunger strike like tat guy in the northern ireland conflict. laughs... you can find that information in the socialstudies textbook. sigh.

SocialStudies. 2190/o1. GONE.-

physics was at least better lah. but i didnt say it was easy. it was just better than chemistry.

chemistry&physics. 5068 & 5052. GONE.-

so i know i'm going to be meeting the principal during ptm. it's on the 26th of may huh. sadd. after ptm, i'll just jump off the building then. ha. now listening to the mp3 in my new phone. lol. tomorrow's last paper for most of us. except the history girls. well. emaths? sigh. another screwed up one before you know it.

emaths. 4017. GONE.-

all right. i know i banned myself from blogging until mid-year's over. but i cant RESIST tat temptation anymore. laughs. this blogskin's not wat i really want. but maybe i'll find another one after the exams. hahas. i wanna do so much within the holidays all rights. one month aint enough.

still, i know i should be studying right now. guess i lost the will to go on with the remaining exam. i screwed up every single paper so far. SS and chemistry was the worst i guess. i answered the wrong question for SS. so mrs lee said it's sure fail for me. i think i'm going to be sick... i know that i might even fail my overall. so if i ever retain... ever... i dont know wat i will even do. most probably jump off a building i guess. oh well.

happy NPCC day to all units in the country:)
and happy election day to all singaporeans tomorrow.