NOT FAIR.
cause jolene is tann. tat's why unfair luh.
AHAHAHA. get the joke?
so funny huh.

hot. so freaking humid.
can the sky pour again.
it'll cheer me up at least.
and make this place cooler.
sweat. salty.

back from chemistry tuition!!!
gonna mug for social studies after i bathe. ha.
was late for school today.
it was raining.
reached school at 8.10.
walked slowly to the gate somemore. had a chat with the security guard even and went up to the 4th floor to mr yeo's homeroom. and there he goes with the npcc thing again -.-"
ss test was pushed back till tomorrow cause of chemistry remedial.
had pop training. which i thought was a complete waste of time luh.
not everyone was there. and st johns were no where in sight.
didn't have tat mood anyway. hmmm.
left my amaths and my green watch at school ):
went off to rivervale plaza. crapped with my darling foaming faeezah(:
and had tuition there.
teacher was in a foul mood -.-"
yue ying and i were practically rotting.
then home we go!
whee.

laughs.
people say i'm odd. calling myself a freak.
but aren't we all one. immature and self-centered. all wanting the best for ourselves.
over-reacting to minor things like some kid. "i dont friend you le! huh!"
threatening the precious friendship forged, like it means nothing to them.
fwee.

it's pouring. i can feel raindrops flying in.
spent some time watching the sky and listening to songs.
hmmm...

how ironic.

on wednesday. on our way there. i was stoning, listening to the mp3 on the bus when i decided to shut my eyes. when i open them, it started to drizzle and then rain.
but it stopped when we reach there. and miraculously, the whole parade square dried up completely. dont know whether to feel happy or not. so we paraded.

on friday. paraded. on our way back. which we like boarded the bus at 7pm -.- it began to rain. sad. but carmen and i were singing out loud in the singapore zoo bus! woohoo.

on saturday today. training. which people were not pleased. did slow march. sang a few songs with the sec2s. had a talk. headed to compass.

i didn't want to. but the thought of it made me wanna just burst out. freak. yeah. i'm the freak. a freak in this freaking world along with the other freaks. UNFAIR UNFAIR UNFAIR. i just wanna scream tat infront of everyone. but.

we have no rights.
we have no say.
we long to be free one day.

i'm home early today. laughs.
school was like usual. just tat mr yeo embarrassed me today!!! -.-"
i'll buck up for maths. i really hope i do.
hmmm. he was like marching HILARIOUSLY in front of the class today. and telling me that npcc aint gonna be counted as a subject when we collect our GCE o level cert.
mrs thiru complained that if only i had tat much commitment to physics as much as my cca last last week.
my report book would always ask me to prioritise my time between cca and studies.
rights.
teachers have nothing much to comment on me other than tat.
so i've decided to mug my life away as soon as we pass out. yeah. tat would be nice(:
sigh.

maths remedial was cancelled anyway.
so me, bird, cat and denise went to rivervale mall to eat.
haha. cockroaches -.-"
and then i'm homed!!!
so guai(:

polishing boots soon.
i dont know if i could survive through all of tat tomorrow again.
i havent got any mood. not since like last month.
no. i dont feel any pride holding tat stick.
i just want you to cheer up. i would do anything to make things better for you.
but. my appearance has always upset people. so. maybe life would be better without my presence.
i can't sleep. this is haunting me.
i can't turn to anybody. trust is so out of the question.
i can't freaking study. with all tat's flooding my mind.
i can only stand behind. hoping tat you'd be okay.
and. let the guilt eat me alive.
sixteen year old jolene = as childish as a six.

hmmm...
guilt or pride.
i was here. (:

you spend your time hating.
i spend my time wishing for all these to end.
i spend my whole day planning,
if i'd stop going for npap training.
maybe i'll feel better tat way. people would feel happier anyway.
cause it's making me sick.
i'm excited. but not very delighted.
it's making me cry. to figure out wat wrong was those reasons you have apparently pointed out.
the points were so unreasonable. more like biased judgement AGAINST us.
i want to speak. but.
we have no rights.
we have no say.
we long to be free one day.
others would be the superheros.
while we will always be the evil villians. selfish and living in self-denial.

THIS IS MAKING ME SICK.
if i had a pill to take. to stop that from flooding my mind.
maybe then, i can continue with the freaking homework tat's piling up on my bed.

today - yue ying's birthday eve!



excited people running to pawalan beach -.-"


now let me see who's balding(:


think here think there. hiyo. dont have to spend so much time wishing for me one right(:


my favourite cat!


cake fight! the aftermath -.- (didnt want my camera to get dirty so i didnt take shots of us in action. but i did APPLY for people whipped cream!!!)


i realised how small the picture is -.-


my black mp3. yue ying's white mp3.
haha. see the difference? hers is like so new. while mine has like so many scratches already ):

it's almost 12 now. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BIG BIRD!!!
enjoyed myself with all the peeps at sentosa today. yay.

carmen neo!
i bet you'd be reading this!
haha.
thanks for listening to my crap till like dont know what time.
you shall be awarded a prize for such good entertainment!
a kiss! yay.
long live carmen too! (:

dental appointment today morning. dragged myself off the bed. had a change of plan in the afternoon. ended up at cynthia's house. dozing off. went to meet cherly, michelle ma'am, adel tan ma'am and yue ying for dinner. ate at this place near kovan. hmmm. and michelle ma'am and adel tan ma'am bought a cake for bird! lol. it was fun luhhh. doing facial for each other. with all the whipped cream -.-"

tomorrow will be a greater day.
and i'm sure of it.

i wasn't angry. i was upset.
cause those words really did hurt.

random.

passed by the fair at hougang just now.
was looking at the lights.
they were so pretty.
a mere empty grass field. transformed into some joyous place.
loud music and brightly-lit.
but. as pretty as it all seemed, you would realise that all these were temporary,
to create an illusion. to bring you to somewhat fantasy.
and.
the clowns are scary.
their faces. painted with a wide red smile.
who knows if they are really smiling or not.
i bet faeezah agrees with me. laughs.

behind the big fat smile;

when you know someone's angry with you.
but you simply dont know why.
what do you do. what should you do.
rather than just sitting there stoning,
wondering about the reason,
and watching the world pass you by.

dont insult the people i care.
the effort we put in, ended up being labelled as some rubbish sheet.
we weren't happy with the thing's decision upteem times. but we did not show it either.
no. dont come and judge us.
we respected. but we weren't even respected in the very beginning.
we were never pleased to take over. dont put words into our mouth.
no. i dont want to take sides.
but it hurts. to know tat it comes from the mouth of the people that i love.

blah.

ang mo kio sec's having some camp now.
i can hear them cheering. noisy. humph.
everyone seems to be having camp. hmmm...

training today was horrible.
i must had used up all my energy in HTA yesterday.
cynthia did second class.
i really didnt have the mood.
and i ended up making everyone march back and forth.
how fun -.-"
then did some photo takings...
after training.
went rivervale mall, planning to have our lunch there.
in the end, too crowded so we flew off to compass.
ate and bus to rivervale plaza, afterwhich we teleported back to compass -.-
town-ed with peeps. wahahahas. fun luh(:

yesterday.
feast day was not tat interesting luh. or maybe i just didn't have the mood.
we were dismissed at 10am. had a meeting at mr pang's lab.
then took the 2 school flags from him and left school.
compass was swarming with sjcians.
but everyone left for sports day, with us remaining behind mugging.
i left earlier to get my boots polished with carmen.
i didn't have that mood to study anyway.
not when there are things that are creating a large whirlpool in my head.
npdp.
hurrhurr. me and iryani ma'am had surprises here and there.
i was so annoyed with the ankle guard during hentaks anyway.
did formations. our break started when the rest of the marching contingents had ended theirs.
was falling asleep during the second half of training. i bet my marching was like. lol.
flew to compass after we were being dismissed.
mood dipped really low at one point.
but yeah. friends are always there to make me smile.

gee. such a long entry. perhaps at this point of the entry, everyone must had fallen off the chair, snoring their ass off. haha.
i'd disappear.
since my presence has been causing so many upsets.

it's past one now.
everyone's asleep.
done with the new blogskin. i know it's ugly.
ha. but i dont bother already.

hmmm...
i ought to sleep now.
feast day later.
school having sports day too.
but. npdp for the few of us.

sigh. i dont wanna go school.
can i?
i'm tired. of failing to live up to people's expectations.

one. she'd lose her optimism.
two. she'd lose her sanity.
three. she'd lose herself.

at four. you'd realise that she's long gone.

okay. sigh.

i'm being bored.

can't really concentrate on my homework. so i'm just blogging for awhile before i head off to school.

hmmm...

due to some complaints about my fonts being too small. i have decided to upsize my words for the comfort of those who have been squinting their eyes -.-

woke up this morning. and the first thing i thought was.
pulau ubin -.-"

i so love ATF aka HRC! (:

flew off to changi jetty and took tons of pictures.
met our area 7 mates! track to the site.
flying fox was so damn fascinating at 21 metres high gliding down.
christabel and i were just screaming and enjoying the view(:
wasn't tat scary luh -.-"
next was the leap of honour.
i flew and caught the pole. now THAT was scary!
then came tunnel after lunch.
it was all right lah. cause we did tat in sec3 atc before.
heavy rain. for like ten mins.
then last element we did was dangling duo.
i feel that partner and i were one of the best pairs!
bel and i really helped each other. alot.
so yeah. it was slippery anyway. didn't complete the whole thing.
6 elements. completed 4.
then there was this dumb competition...
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
then we took a van back to the jetty. got on the bumboat back to mainland.
okay. damn. i really love pulau ubin.
but i really didn't like the last part. it was totally a mood spoiler for me.
tat's the last memory i want to have bringing back as my last trip to pulau ubin with my squad.
urgh.

compassed. ate. and waited for my friend to send me home(:
my face is so dark now -.-"


cheeks.


MELLY!
wahahaha.
yes yes. you're hot. tat's why i'm sunburnt luh.
yes yes. i'm honoured that you've decided to give me your heart.
nono. i shan't have it though. cause it's too precious. i'm not good enough! (:
and people WILL get jealous. hahas. awww.
i bet you're smiling now. cause everyone so loves a sweet smile from mel!

adventure training facilities. will. start in. 7 hours time.

hmmm. havent even unpack my stuff from npdp just now.
my beret is extremely smelly now.
today. school-ed.
and because of career fair for all graduating classes, we got to leave at 12.25pm.
christabel, yue ying, cynthia and i had a talk. we realised. discovered. spoke.
and after that talk, my mood for training was totally ruined.
but still. master was there to make me laugh. ha.
she and i had the metallic bottle tat sir asked us to get! we're so guai! and it's limited edition luh(:
so anyway. training was. boring. dont know. wasn't paying much attention. hmmm.
i was so not alert that even when iryani ma'am was calling me, and the whole world seem to have heard it, i was there stoning.
did quick march and quick time. it was so quick that we were sweating and panting like nobody's business -.-"
but it was great excercise.
which also means that we need some warm-ups before flag drill. had leg cramp. and mens cramp. -.-
dennis sir debrief-ed us. and we were dismissed.
had to wait for our lil squadmates cum juniors and north vista from rifle contigent before we boarded the bus and leave hta.
so i got the whole training done and over with.
kfc-ed with squadmates and then rushed off.
that panda arh. she was so so so annoying okay >.<
rose.

tomorrow's atf.
i know christabel's excited to partner me. tsk tsk.
gonna have breakfast with yue ying, li jun and cynthia at 6.10 at macdonalds.
5 hours to sleep! shall be off now.


iryani ma'am: orhhh. get well soon master! cannot giddy le. next time scream for me louder kaes! heh. hope you like your metallic cylinder anyway. although my handwriting really not tat nice luh hor. take care(:

haha.