okay. this is so dumb.

i went all the way to outram park for my dental appointment when, the registration person told me that the date today was... 31st july!!! gosh. why no one tell me tat JULY has 31 DAYS?! wat the heck. i thought it was 1st august can. humph. angry... so grace and i went to change and flew back to compass. percussion-ed again. hmmm. then went to the lrt place to slack and stone. and here i am, with grace, about to go down to watch the stars again.

stoning.

you're nothing but an insignificant figure in my life. your pressence makes no difference to me. you're pathetic.


ya right. self-denial...

hmmm. just woke up from some odd dream. but it didn't matter. but wat annoyed me was tat the first person i thought of was you. argh.

THAT WAS SO DUMB. i won't let this matter turn me into some kind of weakling. i won't give myself in to this dumb matter. it's foolish. it's just. dumb. it doesn't concern me at all. wat was it tat i've been hearing about lately.

blah blah. it's sunday now. 12 hours before i'm off to school. tomorrow's the last paper for some of us. and i haven't touch on my physics text at all. but i will occupy myself with all the formulas and all, RIGHT AFTER my argumentative essay. i know i will. no more procrastinations. no more delays.

laughs. by the way. song changed. now everybody say YAY(:

back home.

today.


tug-of-war.
woke up late. 6.30am. so breakfast with grace was cancelled. hmmm. we SPRINTED to north vista bus stop. haha.

waited at the canteen. rules and regulations were said. game started.

we didn't scream much. NOT TAT MUCH. four teams. 2 rounds. singapore like got only 4 girls team lah?! sigh.

prize presentation.
i love sjc(:
and i love the cheerleading squad.
because got me inside mah. lol. rights -.-
yay.
my worries ain't neccesary after all.
you were tugging at one end. while she was tugging at the other. but this time, the results were different. sigh.

hmmm. i was not in a good mood actually. i didn't like our team spirit today. it was so. odd. quiet. i miss all the other squadmates that were not here today. and tat wong yue ying. i called her after prize presentation. and she told me she was still sleeping -.- wah lao. you're supposed to be in the cheerleading squad here lor. humph.


had breakfast with yue ying and karin at compass. then me and yue ying headed to the arcade. percussion-ed. and jie ying, with the sec ones and two, suddenly appeared out of nowhere. played with them a little. laughs.

then me and yue ying flew off to cynthia's house. watched two movies altogether. cecelia came. she was supposed to be at cabaret. while we all, were supposed to steamboat after their musical. but we did not. hmmm. let's all not be sad. although all of us were just busy with our own thoughts. sigh.

---------

so anyway. i think i should cut down on my blogging le. i shall spend more time with my studies now. besides, there is no longer a need for me to occupy myself with blogging. because i no longer have thoughts of you. and i no longer feel any pain. there's projects yet to be done. we are so going to be busy fliming, presenting and everything. laughs.

inflicting the pain physically seems to ease the pain you've caused.

gosh. amaths paper was so horribly done. and i lost so many marks for chem ): think i would drop to NA sooner or later. sigh.

today training(: hmmm. practiced slow march with cynthia and faeezah. it was so damn hard okay. the scoldings were terrible. why are you looking down?! i want your chins up. why do i not see any jerk? i want you to control your pace. humph. miss teh was so fierce >.< then me and faeezah had a hard time co-ordinating because my legs are WAY too long for her rights?! haha. okok. joking my dear(: after all tat, i joined back with atiqa, jieying and karin. had campcraft. played games. and sing-a-long too. oh ya. with a little bit of pt only. lalala. training was usual.

me, cynthia, karin, cecilia, yueying and jieying met bel after tat, to give her the worksheets. she arh. eat medicine also so difficult. hahas. dont wanna elaborate on tat le. so after tat, met up with samantha, baoyi and rebecca go walk walk. gosh. all of them so lame can. i was the most matured there all rights(: YAY.

okay. i can't remember a thing now. and i'm freaking out. i cannot afford to screw this two tests up. amaths and pure chem!!!


ENERGY CHANGES.

EXOTHERMIC.
-bond-making
-gives out energy.
-products < reactants (energy kJ)
-enthalpy change: always -tive.

ENDOTHERMIC.
-bond-breaking
-takes in energy
-reactants < products (energy kJ)
-enthalpy change: always +tive.

gosh. why am i still making careless mistakes. why do i still mix their terms up?! HOW?! okay. BOND-MAKING IS ALWAYS NEGATIVE. WHEREAS BREAKING IS ALWAYS A POSITIVE THING. or is it?
you're a distraction to my sleep. to my studies. and to my life.

hmmm.
at cynthia's house now. sigh. supposed to be home early today. chemistry and amaths tomorrow. laughs. argh. this aint funny. this aint funny anymore.

so let's see.
screwed up my emaths paper today. and the rest of the day was usual. had a meeting after school regarding tomorrow's training. won't be joining the sec1s tomorrow. humph. dont miss me hor. laughs. and guess wat. tomorrow we'll be slow marching with our pt kit. tat's like so weird?! ha. but at least i dont have to iron my full u(: hmmm. raining now. all rights. shall resume my chemistry. whee.
i wanna go punggol end. i wanna scream so badly. sigh. so near. yet so far. from you.

hahas. today's paper would be emaths. sigh. another gone case paper.

apparently, when i decided to take a nap after my previous entry was blogged right, which was 3.50pm, i found myself being awaken by my mother, to eat my dinner, at 10.30pm -.-" afterwhich!! i went back to sleep. laughs. and so, here i am, just awoken by a terrible dream ):

my dream? tug-of-war. odd. vesusing the SAME school AGAIN. i only remembered bel, who was at the front. because she was the main lead in my dreams?! then when they started pulling, she went off this border line, and we were disqualified?! but then we didn't even witness her touching the line can. laughs. dumb referee. dumb dream. because bel aint even participating in the first place!! she will be participating in another competition, at yishun junior college, for our school T.T but i'll be there supporting the team this saturday(: and i'll see, if all this while, my worries were neccessary. GO SJC(: my nightmare could be worse. if you were there. but. i wouldn't wanna stop dreaming. i dont wanna wake up.

laughs. just realied that i copied mel's song once more. she had this song the last time. ahaha. i love blogging lots(:

BOO(:

today's my first.
first two to leave the class.
first student to step out of the school's compound.
AND bel and i were the first to reach compass.
ahaha.


all rights. tat's it! i wanna get into the kiasu club. bel influenced me. ah wells. gee. it's 3.35pm now -.- first time homed so early. and i bathe the minute i reached home. hmmm. laid out all my chemistry books le. i'm prepared! to doze off while doing my mole calculations later. haha.

so anyway. performed two lame skits for our class today. one was for our chinese presentation. and the other was for the english assignment on. advertising. had a discussion on wat product we would be doing on. and you'd never guess wat we're advertising(: IT'S HAIR WAX. hahas. and i'll be the group's flim editor for this short advert. WE JUST LOVE OUR HAIR.

hair wax. my suggestion. because tat the first thought i had was. you. sigh.

lalala. boring. it's so dark and quiet now. and everyone's still asleep. sun's barely rising. and it's kinda scary to be alone sometimes. ah wells. bored bored bored.

if you ask me. devotion is for dumb people. because only fools would foolishly devote themselves, to someone who's an absolute arsehole, and tat would most probably treat them like some kinda sheet and then leave them. afterwhich, they would be left alone, to face this bloody harsh reality all by themselves. there's no such thing as fairytales. yet. i choose to live in self denial.

i reek of the burnt incense. went downstairs to pray just now. today's the beginning of the 7th month, based on the chinese calendar. ah wells. it's past twelve midnight already. take care people.

GO TO HELL!!!
ha. just wanted to shout tat for fun. phew. i feel so relieved now. but then again, i still feel like talking. and talking non-stop is wat i feel like doing now. because. i'm tired of having such stupid thoughts. of you. i'm angry with myself. for not getting you out of my mind. dumb ass me. you are such an arse. go away. idiot. immature jolene. sigh.

mistaken. misunderstood. miserable.

hmmm.
today's ss paper was. horrendous. atrocious. argh. i wrote only a page long for the first question. and barely a page long for the second one. can anyone kill me now. stab me with the darn spoon. then after recess during ss lesson, mrs lee spoke to me about the ndp thingy and, i just "orh" and walked away. i was just too embarrassed to even face her. >.< wait till she sees the crap i wrote.

went compass, to have my lunch cum dinner. the 8 of us crapped our way there. and oh my. they CANNOT be any lamer. but at least the brightened up my day(:

bernice. christabel. cynthia. faeezah. jolene. karin. melissa. yue ying.

ate at kfc. yue ying made me go breadtalk with her cause she got sore throat and she can't eat fast food. she aint fast enough you see. ahaha. then she left for tuition. take care, my chou chou! hmmm. eat. sleep. play. (: walked round compass for awhile before we headed home. took 86 with mummy, horsey and tweety. didn't talk much. i was tired. zZz.


I WILL ROCK PURE CHEMISTRY TEST. ya rights. if tat ever happens, the sky must had long fallen.

which hurts more. stabbing with a bloody sharp knife. or with a purely rounded-spoon, through your ribs, and through your living flesh, and then finally into your heart.

boo. it's 5.47am now. going to bathe soon. oh sheet. my SS is a goner, and i'm sure about tat. okok. diplomacy is the way how countries conduct relations with one another. okay. DOTS. tat's all i can remember now?! gosh. i'm a goner -.-"

i forgotten to tell you. tat i left my heart with you when you turned away. so can i have my worthless muscle back now? sigh. you know no one could ever make me feel this way like you do.
don't live in self-deniel people. the liars and their pack of lies. sigh.

Social Studies rocks our socks(:

it's the 24th. the 24th. 24th... seriously, i've barely started on my SS. i need a miracle now. i promised mrs lee i'll do better this semester. ha. all rights. i shan't preach anymore. i'll study! ONCE i finish blogging(: hahas. hmmm. today's geog paper was okay i guess. had pure phy and english lessons after recess. mrs thiru was right. the worksheet we handed up to her was a total crap. and so, she made us do another physics paper. and i just ran through the paper like... ya. laughs. then amanda and i were comparing the answers. and we realised how different our answers were?! argh. come on. mcq aint tat tough, jolene. then why is it tat i can't understand a word they're asking?

hmmm. went compass with karin, cynthia and cecilia after tat. ate my lunch and walk walk for awhile. then this bel made me walk like how many rounds can. humph. so anyway. didn't stay for long. was rather tired. so me and karin headed home.

tomorrow.
rounds: 4th paper. out of 7 subjects.
target board: SocialStudies.
time: 60 mins. 3 essay question.
ready and fire!
bang bang. goes my gun. shoots the worthless brain out of my head.
i'm sorry. i've got nothing to say.
waiting. the agony of clinching onto a hope tat sees no light in it. for 2 years.

have been procrastinating again. laughs. i should be mugging now. argh. i ought to. sigh.

i want another mcflurry please. i know i just ate tat with grace this afternoon. laughs. but i can't help it. how can anyone ever resist the temptation of the cold, sweet ice cream? humph. okay. i'm seriously going to indulge myself with some DELIGHTFUL wet rice cultivation notes now. lalala.

i'm not thinking about you. just me and my how-to-be-a-farmer book.

hmmm.

it's sunday now.
polished my boots while studying a bit of geog last night. people!! next time please remember to wear your glasses when you see jolene walking down the street, with her gorgeous shiny boots yeah(: ha. hmmm. had tuition just now. bleah. did like so much logs and indices. eh. common test's like, starting in less than 24 hours later? but, i'm still blogging -.- i should be ashamed. everyone's mugging real hard now. everyone but me. and bel. lol. she said she's gonna die? but i doubt tat she would. if she does, i must be dead and buried 6 feet under already. blah blah. erm. went out with grace to eat just now. then sent her off to her tuition center, which is like so near my house. laughs. so here i am. gonna fail my bloody geog and english summary paper. sigh.

i will study. i have to study. i must study! no more distractions.
you guys may despise me. look down upon me. gossip about me or watsoever. i dont care. dumb hypocrites. i know i'm not as smart and responsible as you people, but at least i will stand up for my friends. neither will i leave them nor talk behind their backs. argh. i'm never good enough for anyone.

blah blah. COMMON TEST IS NOTHING BUT A CHORE.

twiny, big bird, bimbo cecilia and mummy are going for the SMRT challenge tomorrow. GO GUYS!! do us proud(:

hmmm. faeezah!!! i'm angry. i wanna tell you something. but i'm too lazy to get my phone to sms or call. ah wells. and why you go tag people never tag me. humph. i got tag you can. fine. shall cook you with some chili, you dumb crab(:

since marie has requested me to do this quiz. i'll be such an adoring senior to grant her tat wish(:


name 20 people you can think of right now at the top of your head. don't read the questions underneath until you write the names of the people.

1 iryani
2 cynthia
3 karin
4 yue ying
5 atiqa
6 grace see
7 melissa ong
8 bernice
9 melissa ng
10 faeezah
11 christabel
12 lydia
13 cindy
14 marie
15 celestine
16 lynnette
17 charmaine
18 serene
19 mei dan
20 ke hui


HOW DID YOU MEET 14?
marie?! ahaha. npcc training(:

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU HAD NEVER MET 1?
iryani. i'd jump off the building without master here with me(:

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF 20 AND 9 DATED?
oh my gosh. delete tat thought now! *presses the DELETE button*

DID YOU EVER LIKE 19?
mei dan ma'am is my ma'am(: and i'm neutral please. haha.

WOULD 17 AND 6 MAKE A GOOD COUPLE?
ahaha. neither grace nor charmaine has met. charmaine's studying at cresent girls while grace is studying at sjc, how they meet. laughs.

DESCRIBE 3.
karin?! she's a frog. and she likes to croak(:

DO YOU THINK 8 IS ATTRACTIVE?
bernice. DAMN SHE IS. she's so damn funny and pretty(:

TELL ME SOMETHING ABOUT 7.
melissa ong? she'd be so understanding and concern about her friends. and she is always making me laugh.

DO YOU KNOW ANY OF 12'S FAMILY?
ahaha. yep. i met lydia's mother at syf parade this year. haha.

WHAT IS 9'S FAVOURITE?
MELISSA LOVES HER DARLING.

WHAT IF 18 CONFESSED THAT HE/SHE LIKES YOU?
er. no. but we love each other as FRIENDS(:

WHAT LANGUAGE(S) DOES 15 SPEAK?
celestine? english. chinese. singlish. and i have no clue about dialects. ha. AND MALAY TOO. squad SEDIA!!!

WHO IS 9 GOING OUT WITH?
YOU MUST BE JOKING. hahas. i shan't say. so kaypo for wat?! lol.

HOW OLD IS 16?
lynnette ma'am here is 16 years of age(:

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU TALKED TO 13?
short-term memory(:

WHO IS 2'S FAVOURITE BAND/SINGER?
cynthia was listening to liang jing ru yesterday? can tat be one of her favourites then?

WOULD YOU EVER DATE 4?
I CAN'T GO OUT WITH A BIRD. TAT'S TOO HUMILATING(: ahaha. jkjk.

WOULD YOU EVER DATE 7?
i'm neutral please.

WHERE DOES 11 LIVE?
princess bel lives at a HUGE palace at serangoon(:

WHAT IS 10'S LAST NAME?
mystafa. ha. is tat right, faeezah?

WOULD YOU EVER BE IN A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP WITH 14?
now how many times do i have to tell you i'm neutral?! laughs.

WHAT SCHOOL DOES 3 GO TO?
CHIJ ST. JOSEPH'S CONVENT.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE THING ABOUT 5?
atiqa has such a real cute sense of humour(:


yay. all done. haha. doubt anyone bothers reading. ah wells...
oh gosh. i forgot twiny. dont be angry. ahaha. i'll make it up to you(:

reached home at 9.56pm.

school was all right. so i'll just skip to our wonderful training then(: began training. footdrill. er hem. sigh. i was alone. handled the other half of the squad all by myself all rights. karin mummy was missing in action for awhile. but she came after tat. please dont leave me the next time mummy. i just can't demostrate dalam bukak barisan with the wall AGAIN. the wall was my right marker during the demostration can. and i was doing the demostrating, checking of dressing, and commanding for the 10 sec ones at one time. laughs. then jie ying and atiqa's side was like so much fun-er. they were like causing so much noise pollution with their laughter. humph. but our banging rocks more yeah, group 2?! ahaha. rights. games. jie ying and karin were like fighting for their games to be played. didn't join in. watched them all play. forfeit. pole dance -.-" reminded me of last year can. irritating. ha. the sec1 were so darn cute. no doubt about tat, kak(: today cheers ain't much of a success. we'll improve on tat. laughs. we WILL train on their vocals the next time! yay.

after training. went compass with karin, cynthia and yue ying at macs. sorry daddy, i know i wasn't really paying attention. but i did listen!!! i was just distracted by some thoughts. so anyway, big bird left while we all went to find mel, bernice and cecilia at kfc. hahas. it was lame. but i had to go home too so i left too. met grace and we headed home. she accompanied me till the playground there. and we lay at the slide there, watching the sky. when suddenly, we saw a SHOOTING STAR. oh come on, how can singapore have?! i'm serious. but grace saw it too. i was not hallucinating can. laughs. the shooting star drew a yellow line for tat split second, across the sky. and it was almost too perfect. before it turned dark again. sigh. reminded me of the perth trip with our squadmates and the past past seniors. i made a wish. it was for you. hmmm. sent grace to the bus stop. there's so much to talk about. mostly npcc. in fact, all about npcc. ha. never once thought tat we would actually fall in love with our cca this much, since the day we joined this organisation.


MOLESTER ON THE RUN. BEWARE! (:

to grace: i'm not sad. I'M SUCH A HAPPY DUDE(:
to atiqa: ahaha. i love my kak too(:

laughs. so anyway. back from karin's house. played mahjong. but we're short of one person. one huge yellow big bird please. why ain't you here? i've been winning too many times le!!! ahaha. i guess tat logic makes sense now. i believe now. i believe every word. tat winners in mahjong, are actually the losers in something else. lucky in games. but never lucky for... ya. laughs. it was just a dumb belief.
hmmm. ate lots. erm. marshmallows... potato chips... everything but ice cream): then, we laid on karin's bed for awhile. cynthia was like messing up her bed. -.-" how lame can she get. ha. i snuggled under the blankets once again. looked at the place you were once sitting at. closed my eyes. but when i open them, i realised tat you were already long gone. oh well. i dont bother anymore.
laughs. oh ya. today CME skit was so darn lame. we did the topic on molestation, rape and abortion. and miss joanna lee practically laughed her head off. i RAPED amanda lau. and bernice was the funniest as usual. she said "MUMMY!!! I'M GETTING FATTER!" then i was "OH MY GOSH?! WHO DID IT?!" and i took out some lame correction tape. then the next minute i was like advertising for some lame pregnancy test kit. and that was the end of our short commercial break! so now we're back to the topic on abortion... ahaha. rights. val and jodi were such nice news reporter and doctor too. shall give ourselves ONE OCTOPUS CLAP(: ha. i so love our skit. hmmm... tomorrow's another brand new day. with a brand new training(: hurray.

boo. it's 3.57am now. lalala. blogging craze(: hmmm. studying for my chinese common test later.

yesterday i ate like a tub of ice cream?! laughs. i dont know why i'm so crazy over ice cream these days. perhaps the reason was you. ah wells. then slept for quite a fair bit. hmmm. dreamt many things. all from the past. and realised everything's about npcc. see how much i love my cca?(: laughs. dreamt about three events. npdp, atc and area 7 games day.

it was funny in npdp. as this time round, we weren't marching as supporting contingent, because our unit, a uopa gold unit, was finally marching in GOH1, with our white number ones. ha. and we were like marching with cedar, victorian, raffles instituition and marsiling at the old police academy again?! gosh. will tat ever happen? maybe(:

atc was equally nice. falling in with the whole of area 7 at tat very same place, but this time with greendale sec as well?! ha. don't know. weird dream. but it was wonderful. to be with them again. the very manly girls, and the very gay guys. laughs.

area 7 games day. tug-o-war. >.< i wanted you to win. but of course i wanted our school to win more. heh. pull arh pull. but then. i was awaken by a sms -.-" so i don't know how was the outcome like. but i'm sure we will train hard for the inter unit. and win this time. just like how the seniors did in sec1. we will show them tat we are as good as them too!(:
you were pulling at one end. while she was pulling at the other end. funny ain't it. i laughed to myself. and realised tat i was just a fool. but i wont be fooled again. i'm letting go of tat hope. while we all still cling on to tat rope.

i missed the damn amaths test i was studying so hard for. -.-" and are they like doing the chinese presentation without me now? sigh...

dont know why. my alarm clock rang for 2 straight hours. from 2am to 4am. still, i did not wake up. didn't even hear it ringing. mother had to switch it off for me. stomach was aching again. had no strength to get up. perhaps it's all in my mind. or maybe i'm just so physically and physchologically weak. just a total weakling. a weak link. pulling down the class. i just had no goal in life suddenly. everything feels so empty inside.
hmmm. practicing my emaths now. later gonna start mugging for my social studies first. my bed is already filled up with books. laughs. hmmm. think i need to go toilet again. it's just so damn pain and irritating. wat if in the midst of common test i've to go toilet, like almost every 10 mins of the test? gosh. might as well flush the test paper down the toilet bowl too right. humph.

gone with the wind.
FLUSH!!!

struggling to keep myself awake now. hmmm. preparing for tomorrow's chinese presentation. sigh. i'm tired. i don't know how many times have i been saying tat. so routined...

so today school was all right. had this OSCAR meeting after school, before we went down to eat, prepare our chinese project and then to meet mr pang and mr chan. discussed a few matters only. then met up with karin, cynthia, cecelia and denise to eat ice-cream at swenson. i ate like so much. and karin also treated me mini cornetto after tat. i want to just stuff myself with plenty more ice cream. hmmm. 9.41pm now. and i'm not planning to eat my dinner. no one buy for me. i also no appetite. sigh.

humph. still got amaths test to study. and i do not know how much longer i can hold.

oh man. i overslept. it's 4.42am now. and i'm not done with my physics nor chemistry): sigh. why is the damn chemistry paper so hard -.- hmmm. carmen's the one and only person online, entertaining me with some lame jokes. ha. she's having flu. get well soon yeah?

bored. bored. life's tat boring, ain't tat true? everything's so routined. later got np meeting for some of us. mr pang arh. wat about my project meeting? it's due on thursday you know. humph. wednesday got snack-making meeting. so how? sigh. all rights. back to my homework.

yay. blog. blog. blog. i don't know why i've been updating so many entries within such little days. and i know no one would even bother reading these. but ya. laughs.

today had amaths . emaths . pure chem . pure phy . was dying. had an excruciating stomachache early in the morning. hmmm. anyway, thanks mummy. for the photo. laughs. after school, had to go down to the np store to collect back all the uniform. after tat went with bel to compass to eat. met up with mummy, daddy and big bird. then rushed off to outram park, with big bird, for my dentist appointment. but i was an hour late. so they said i had to come again another day. so irritating rights. so both me and yue ying crapped our way back to sengkang, to compasspoint, and then back to school, watching her study for awhile. and i thought to myself, of something tat, i found out it was true. argh. dont think anyone would understand wat i mean. laughs. ah wells. i'm tired. i should be mugging now, for the darn common test. sigh. it's hard not to be last again. i was just born plain stupid.

it was just a game. why then, is it ruining our relationship with our friends. area 7 games day was meant to bond and interact with the other schools. where's the good sportsmanship in tat. i'm disappointed, with myself.

to see you hurt, is not wat i want you to be. i can no longer pretend tat i know nothing of this.

it's 5.13 am now. everyone's asleep. while i'm doing my work.

sigh. going through my work now. for the first time, i find my surroundings way too quiet to study. and i can't help blogging. it's too addictive. blogging keeps me occupied. so tat my thoughts wouldn't wander about. to think about tat matter anymore. humph. can someone just come online and talk to me. ah wells. amaths + blogging = a very multi-tasking me(: all rights. i know this is crap. i should pack my bag for school already.

laughs. thanks mel. i stole your song(: it's just too nice to resist.

please stop this. i want her to be happy too. tat's all i ask for. sigh.

sigh. i've been stoning in front of the computer for 6 straight hours already. wasting my life away. trying to keep myself occupied with things. for now, i just wanna concentrate on both my studies and cca. i should be studying now. common test is like approaching in a week's time. but i just can't bring myself to the books. sigh. i miss the sec4&5 ma'ams already. re-reading the letter they gave us for fourth time le.

"failing does not make you a failure. giving up does"



all rights. i should go now. and sleep my troubles away.
you didn't have to apologise. seriously.

blah.
boring.
tuition ended.
alone at home.
deep in thoughts.

i don't wanna think about it anymore. can't i?
somehow, i do not feel any pain.
slap me in the face.
stab me in the heart.
slash my wrist also can.
still, i feel no pain.
tears were not shed.

i guess i've too been numbed.
by all these.

i do not feel angry. nor do i feel as hurt.


just disappointed.


i've forgotten the reason why i told myself, tat i mustn't fall for this bloody trap.
forgotten the reason why i chose to stay away from all these, for the past two years since tat.
forgotten the reason why i made that vow. never to fall for anyone again.
forgotten the lesson i learnt because of tat.
but now, i remember why.
the reason was simple.
i just didn't want to get hurt once more.
but still ended up falling into tat trap once again.
such stupidity.
it was my mistake. i will not accept your apology.
cause there ain't anything to be sorry for.


after this post, our lives would go on.
and get better.

thank you for all the days you were there for me.
during the 3 days 2 nights atc.
for cheering me up everytime.
and even when i had a fever.
thanks for making my days perfect.
i love you. as a friend.


accept the reality. friends forever.

BOO(: man, it's really boring now.

it's over now. it's over.

i didn't even say tat. must you always make assumptions. did i say i was upset because of tat? why would i be angry with you contributing. i was feeling happy. UNTIL. i won't say. i don't need to gain any sympathy. i ain't going to fight with you. i admit. i'm such an ass all right. i get angry at things so unreasonably all right. but this has got nothing to do with the skit. so stop all your assumption.
i'm tired.
i hate myself. for causing you guys so much unhappiness.

back home from our pop farewell night and area seven games day.

hmmm. farewell night was all right i guess. our performance was hilarious. but this year's movie marathon ain't nice to watch lah. so me and iryani ma'am went down to the benches there to lie and play till 2plus in the mornining. didn't realised tat we actually fell asleep after tat. so we woke up at 0510, went back to the school hall, to take another 15 mins nap with the rest of the people there. then had breakfast before setting off for area seven games day. hai. don't feel like elaborating on tat le. feeling rather lethargic now. i shall catch up with my sleep.

wat are you kaypo-ing about? small fonts big fonts. sigh. nice to read meh. i know you would still read these UNREADABLE words. oh well. there is nothing here by the way. so you don't have to strain your eyes now.
or is there?

i'm hungry. but i have no food to eat. i'm tired. but i can't seem to sleep. sigh. always like tat. i have had enough of this. hai. so anyway. i realised tat. the more we expect. the less we'll get. i wanted more attention. but i'll never get tat. just a little won't do any harm rights? i just wanna be heard. and. i wanted something from you tat you'd never give me. i wanted attention. from you. a little care and concern would do. but no. the BRAT doesn't get wat she wants. her demands are way too unreasonable to be met. sigh. i won't expect anything anymore. oh ya. forgot to tell you guys i passed my social studies. haha. woohoo(:

sigh. i don't wanna think of you anymore. i want to let go. but i can't. just stab me in the heart.

hmmm. won't be blogging tomorrow. i'll be staying over in school. yay. can't wait. we'll roll around in the basketball court in the middle of the night. and count stars. if there is in the first place. ha. today okok bah. preparations almost done. ha. off to polish my boots. byebye.

nobody's listening. please don't irritate me. you don't even know tat i was crying. why can't you even pay a little attention to me when i was speaking. don't cut me like tat. it's rude. oh forget it. every year has always been the same. and the next year. our last year. i might not be there anymore.

whew. i'm tired. rushed through my laundry just to complete my dumb script for some dumb event(:

hmmm. was dozing off again in class today. np meeting was all right. manage to finish up many things. but i was kind of distracted today. so ya. don't blame me kaes. laughs. i love to dance tat song. brings back so many memories(: hai. sec1s were really cute today. haha. but then, my singing is still the best RIGHTS?! ahaha. after all that preparation was done, we went off to compass to have our dinner. then some bunch of people were kaypo-ing bout some affair huh. ahaha. lame. but it was sweet i guess. haa.

sigh.

blocked nose. sore throat. argh. dumb flu.

sigh. shall i go see a doctor? but i don't like waiting. how could they make sick people wait for 2 hours before consultation plus getting their medication. humph. i've decided. i shall not go then. laughs. hmmm. deep in thoughts. my class' having social studies now. while i'm sitting over here blogging. sigh. i know i'd probably fail the test we did last week. not tat i didn't study or wat. i just can't get the questions right. ah wells. i wonder how badly i've done.

hmmm. supposed to be going with amanda to get the things for the friday event all by today. or else there won't be enough time to finish all by then. plus, not forgetting the other preparations as well. argh. sick-

i have my doubts.
i dare not admit this thing. not to you. not even to myself. oh cynthia daddy. i'm not feeling so good. can someone just clear my doubts. hmmm. yet i DOUBT tat person would. sigh. perhaps i have too high of a expectation. but wat can i do. i'm just a spoilt brat.

phew. wat a day. lessons were average. but as for physics today, we were doing experiment with some naphthalene substance. then as we were busy rushing and clearing our apparatus, PIANG. chor wen's test-tube broke. everyone was stunned. but still. life went on. until. PIANG!!! chor wen's lab partner, aka wong yue ying, broke her beaker. everyone was like, HUH. again?! and mrs thiru gave tat -.-" face. haha. but tat wasn't it. then another test tube went rolling, and crashing onto the floor, at the table in front of them. laughs. therefore, me and amanda concluded tat the fengshui there was not good. ha. lame.

training. i was so hyper and all. feels great to be able to do footdrill with my squadmates once again. hmmm. third class footdrill test. atrocious. and during the practices, i was making atiqa laugh when she was doing the timing. so i took over. and then atiqa made me laugh. so she took over in the end. -.-" lalala. after all tat, we begin our discussion for some issues about the upcoming events in the store. but there's still so much left undone. ah wells. i'm exhausted. shall take a nap now. nights.

back home. hahas. i'm bored. tomorrow would not be going for the footdrill test. i'll be with the sec2s for their bang bang(:
and i feel empty. there's something amiss. you've spoilt me. in the past, you'd give me everything. somehow now, i wish tat you're here to listen. tat week, before any of this happened, i had a dream. i dreamt about you. and something happened to you. when i woke up, i started to cry. the tears, i know, can never be compared as those you'd shed. sigh. why must this hurt.

unfamiliar face. familiar stranger.

the wheel on the bus goes round and round.
round and round...

sigh. what a boring day. hmmm. tuition supposed to end at 12nn today. but my tutor let me off early cause i'm sick. hahas. yay. and great. i can't even speak a word now. humph. my voice left me. gonna buy books now. i've completely forgotten tat there's a chemistry test tomorrow. there goes my grades once again. always failing. always last. sigh.

i have my doubts.

had enough with the previous blogskin. didn't find it nice in the first place. so i finally changed it to this that i like alot. yay...

twinnie. thanks for tat sms too.

this ain't funny anymore. one side. another side. who's taking who's side. argh. i really don't care. thought we were really good friends. so wat's with all the backstabbing and distrust among us. fight no more. please.

sigh. so anyway. having tuition tomorrow. and i can't seem to finish the chemistry ten years series. 2 more units. haix. i was just borned dumb.

it's past mid night now. just a month ago. when everything happened. where this all began.

sigh. gonna sleep soon. once i'm done with some 'project-work', i'll be off to lalaland. yay.

well. actually. argh. i don't know... have been thinking much. i think i've become a spoilt brat over the year. not doing house chores. cabbing to places... hmmm. so, i've decided. i shall not complain. i shall not take things for granted anymore. and i wish that you guys won't stay mad over this incident. we've been through every obstacle, as a squad, for 3 years already. and this would be the last year for us.
anyway, thanks mummy and horsey, for tat sms.

oh my gosh. school's out for the weekend. hurray. and tomorrow aint cooking. tat snack making competition has been postponed... oh well.

today, went out with adeline ma'am, amanda, yue ying, cynthia and karin. went plaza sing. played so many rounds of percussion that me and big bird began sweating under the air condition. and also had car racing. hahas. so fun. whee. after tat we went off to swensons to eat many many ice cream(: i don't know why. but one moment i was looking at something and the next moment i found FRIES in my DRINKS. wat the -_-"

so we went to catch a movie. OH WAIT. wat happened to the neoprints we took?! -_-" haha. don't know who brought home le. ah wells. so anyway. about the movie. RE-CYCLE. i sat beside yue ying in the theater hall. and oh my gosh. she was Whining okay. ahaha. not scary. not funny. i didn't scream. just that the bird came and screamed into my ears first can. humph. mojo brave! hahas. went home after tat. hmmm. we shall all go watch the sequel one day. re-use, re-duce, re-cycle(: so lame. enjoyed my day with them. yay. and i would like to take the opportunity to thank wong yue ying and amanda lau for donating a packet of tissue each. ahaha. all rights. shall take my medicine now. GONE.-

hmmm. back home. was a tiring day at school. i'm not in maths trail anymore. sad. but today faeezah told me some stuff which i still find it unbelievable. ahaha. she's so crap. that's why everyone loves her.

whee. had lunch with karin and cynthia after school. and cecilia, qamariah, and her, her, her and her came along and joined us. eh. so maluating can. i sat on a pool of water TWICE. humph. angry. so anyway. karin, cynthia and i went off to buy some lame 'project-work' things before we found ourselves being stalked!!! hahas. this is so lame... 3 vs 3. but then, had to do some stuff, so karin and those three left. and then, there were 2. just me and daddy. so chiobu cynthia accompanied me to do wat i wanted to do before we headed back to compass to meet kak and ah bangS?! laughs. didn't do much before we both went home. erm. all rights. i'm done with blogging out my boring life. take care people.
sigh. i know i'm a jerk. i realised i'm not good enough to hang out with you. nor be your great friend. i'm neither smart nor pretty. and i know you would be happier without having to escort me off, as what you claimed tat to be. argh. accusations.

have been coming back home rather early for the past few days. realised tat i've not been able to sleep as much as those nights before, when we're in sec1. blah. tomorrow. social studies test. passing mark. 16/20. wat the. how am i to get so high. sigh.

hmmm. today, was dozing off at 3 periods of english... then. aiyahhh. don't wanna blog about all these school stuff anymore. aren't they the same old boring crap. sigh. then went compass for awhile(: and then headed for home... boring life.

saturday.
went to karin the sister the school the fair. eat play eat play. and threw up. because we sat this ride that went round round up down. then after a bit of detour around little india, we headed to national stadium. met our squadmates before the actual parade starts. hugged and screamed. they looked nice. flimed down the whole thing. well. not really. my video camera flatted during the march past. oh well...

sunday.
sick.

monday.
bel called and dragged me out of my house. went to her house to study. and made me a nice cup of lemon honey water. but then, i couldn't concentrate with my amaths nor physics. humph. still having this irritating sore throat. so i took a nap in her room. and now i'm back home. wondering if i would ever finish my homework...
sigh. who are you. did i really change?