to my fan of my blog, and her blog which i am her fan of,
i love the 3rd and 4th song best(: haha.
yay. melly rocks!

boredd. sigh sigh sigh.
i haven't touch on any homework.
had tuition today.
then i was busy doing some valentine's day stuff.
33 handmade by my aching hands. 5 specials.
and big bird, you'll love mine the best! (:

saturday, studied with yue ying, des and minmin.
i also had a nightmare at night. about the previous day's training.

friday, had our first npdp goh training. flag party.
me and iryani ma'am officially died there.
and i malu-ed myself. and dennis sir never likes us.
i wanna go back to the school's training ):
i miss my squadmates.
and thanks twiny, for helping me clear after practical.
i miss my cute lil sec2 squad too.
but i doubt any misses me -.-"

so anyway!
i feel like talking on the phone.
i shall go kajiao my darlings now(:
and to iryani ma'am, please take care of your feet!

goodbye. cruel, unjust world.
for i have nothing else to lose.
i don't need any of these.

i smell of kiwi -.-"

i've polished my dear cracking boots. yay.
mmm. yue ying told me a few days ago that.
last week training was actually the last training with our cadets.
which means. i won't be seeing much of the sec2s anymore )):
and i miss them already. now tat's just sad.
cause they are the sweetest squad okay!
take care of yourselves all rights.

trained with iryani ma'am for two days straight.
thought rifle drill was tough. as described by bernice and christabel.
so i decided to be the flag bearer with iryani ma'am.
but no one told me how tough flag drill was going to be -.-"
and me and iryani ma'am can forsee that we will die during npdp training tomorrow.
so to yue ying and cynthia, thanks for waiting for me after trainings(:
awww. and thanks iryani ma'am, for teaching me the flag drill.
my grave has been dug outside the school.
i'm going in tomorrow. yeah.

lalala. 6 days without blogging.
hmmm. but nothing much has changed in my life you see.
and i think i'm gonna screw up emaths tomorrow.
so, i'm off to study! lol.

had second class footdrill.

properties of solid:
able to vibrate in fixed position but cannot move throughout the solid.

properties of sec4 cadets:
able to vibrate in fixed position but cannot move throughout the squad.

see, arent we hardcore(: so i messed up the whole test today. i mean. even yi ying ma'am was like thinking "jolene!! what are you doing?!" gosh. this is the worst footdrill i've ever done -.- hmmm. i'm glad that my test was last last last last week. hurrhurr. had lunch with squaddies and yi ying ma'am after tat. anyway, i'm fine. thanks for the concern everyone.

i'm a sleepy gay.
i'm a lazy gay.
i'm a gay gay!

do you ever have that feeling.
that something bad is going to happen to you.

had school. usual stuff. extra social studies lesson.
but i wasn't paying attention. i couldn't. i had a feeling.
i didnt want to go for traininig. i dread going. i knew something bad would happen. i knew i couldn't handle any of it anymore.
i was the cause of both the break-downs.
both communication. and. emotion.

stupid.

people who were treated like dirt.
being used. as a spare tire.
left aside. always neglected.
made. as a scapegoat.
ignored. never bothered.
taken. as a punchingbag.
people of such, example, like me.

i'm sorry.
i was busy. i took you for granted. i dont deserve you.
i'm self-centered, stupid, useless.
just tell me that i am.
i'm not tat weak. i can face that harsh reality.
although weak is what people would always think of me.

but who cares.
JUST tell me.
who really cares about OUR welfare.
NO ONE!
woohoo. woo hoo hoo hoo.
i realised tat just only yesterday.
when we were labeled careless of others' welfare.
to simplify it, we were the cruel heartless meanies.
always scolding, never praising.

but no one seems to notice.
our welfare.

because when you're all grown up,
no one would care.
the attention you recieve as an innocent toddler,
the hugs, the kisses and the cuddlings,
gone.
now, insults of lousy jobs we did are 'awarded' to us.
there wasn't even any words of praise either.

the littlest things that take me there.
i know it sounds lame, but it's so true.
i know it's not right but it seems unfair.
that things are reminding me of you.
sometimes i wished that we could just pretend,
even if only for one weekend.


looong post for long legs!
woohoo.
FILLING IN BRIGHT COLOURS INTO MY NEVER-DULL-LIFE!!

signing off,
happy kid(((((: