january is coming to an end.
and i'm looking at myself in disappointment.

so, no resolutions this year huh.


slowly and unknowingly,
things have begun to just fade away.

i wish i hadn't been so careless.
i don't know how to make things right again.
i must have not been doing enough.
i must have been doing things wrong.
because why are things becoming like this.


have i been a bitter disappointment to you?
tell me what to do, please.

hello.

can i just say that it's past 2 in the morning and i'm already quite tired from school and work just now.
but the question is, why am i still up, blogging?
gonna do a bit more of touch up for the fyp report.
i can't wait for it to be over.
tomorrow, we will be submitting our oh so very thick report.
it's not at all something that awesome when you realise that printing colour for each page would cost 50 cents, which only meant an estimated 120 dollar plus.
sigh.
this journey, has been a very challenging one.
it really tests your patience to the max.
i mean, seriously, it is really not easy sitting there hour after hour type from scratch and fill up an initially completely blank paper in microsoft words with words of experiences, evaluation, conclusion, referencing, sourcing and pictures.
but i'm grateful for the great partnership with my report partner throughout the whole process.

so anyway,
i really don't feel like reflecting further on this fyp report thing.
wait, who even asked me for my opinion about how i felt about this whole fyp thing.
haha. i really should stop boring people with school stuff.

hmmm.
it's 2012 now.
there's so much that i've been thinking about.
but honestly, i really don't have much that i would like to say.

sigh.
going to just carry on doing this fyp stuff and have my short sleep.
goodnight.

looks like i'll have to disappoint a lot of people in all sorts of reasons.

i hope everyone can forgive me.

hmmm.

maybe after some time, i'll fade into an unnoticeable presence.

the girl who almost made it, always.
be it in studies, work and others.

think i should stop relying on anyone anymore.
cause when they start to get tired of you always needing them to find your strength back,
they'd get frustrated for you being so weak all the time.
then you'd realised it's not always so great to confide in people some times.
to realise you have taken the could-be happy moment from them because of your lack of confidence and pessimism.
and you'd feel like you've been betrayed when people say that you can count on them, and yet they'd tell you off when they start to get sick of your never ending complaints and whining.
yes, i'm not trying hard enough.
but for once, i just want to take a step back and not fight so hard.
cause no matter how hard i try, i am always the one who almost made it, but never really did made it in the end for so many things.
oh wells.

i guess there's no point thinking about it.
time to revise for the final term test of poly life.



tracking back to the previous post,
think it sucks for the old man who was the husband.
did you notice his heave of sigh when he asked her how was it.
clearly, he knew at the end of the day (or life), she still had not moved on and her heart was still with the one who got away.
no matter how hard she tries to hide it, he knew but said not a word.
think it hurts to realise after all these years, despite having moved on,
he was not the one she truly loves.

just sayin'.

in this video,
which character best describes you? who would you think of?
and i wonder to myself...

"be a better human in life"
that's what someone would always say.
and that someone really made a difference in my life.
i'm really thankful to have met such persons.
i've learnt a lot, seen things in another perspective,
gotten opportunities to grow.
all these, i will carry with me throughout my life.

on a side note,
as our course of 3 years is coming to an end,
so much uncertainties in life have begun to surface...
and the question is, where would i able to go from here?



and i know i said it was fine,
but i can't help but feel the hurt as i witness it happening right before me.