my mind is blank.

it's only been a week since i'm jobless/schooless.
(not considering the week before when i was in japan)
yet! it's already so depressing, for so many reasons.

but anyway, my mother insists that i should work at her place.
i really don't want to be working 6 days work week because all i want to do is to chill before i start the next phase of my life in this early 20's -
getting through uni education and building our career for the rest of our lives;
assuming that it is quite unlikely that i'd be retiring anywhere near in the decades to come...
sigh. so the point is, i want to enjoy life in this period of my life,
yet it'd be great if i have an income to enjoy it with...
whatever it is, time is of the essence.
and i'm really reluctant to do more than 4 days work week at the moment.
it's my only time i'm left with to enjoy. my youthful years are limited now...
would really love some time for my loved ones as well as a little bit for myself.
wanna just live a little carefree life, like those yesteryears indeed.


dear iryani,
i'll date you soon all right.
p.s. what's a pothead???

i haven't met up with quite a lot of people.
i hope they are doing well in life.


anyway,
i came to realize there are so much that i'll have to leave this year.

1) Singapore Poly
Even though it's mostly feelings of reluctance to go classes and all,
it's where i've spent the last 3 years, filled with great times and times of frustration. i'm honestly glad to be able to learn and gain so much invaluable experiences that i may not have the chance to in future, as well as having met such wonderful people who i can count on as friends. so thank you, SP, for letting me study here.

2) Part Time Job
On days that i'm not schooling, you can most probably find me there. i do love being there. the drinks, the job, the people, and the person are the reasons that i admit made me love this more than i thought i would. but i'm leaving prematurely, after a year of juggling (or rather struggling at times) with school and work. although hesitant, i know it's for the better, somehow...

3) NPCC
8 years. it's like a huge part of me. it feels as though i grew up there. this 'family' will always be the bittersweet memories of my life. the previous attempts of me letting go had proved to be futile, but after much that have gone by, i feel further from it, more than ever- more ready to leave. i do miss it so much, and perhaps it's because of this odd love for it that's making it so hard for me to leave after all these years when so many have long left the corps by then. but my decision to leave this commitment would definitely not be because of fading feelings for it i assure you though, because it's not fading, just simply time. it's time to move on. there's really so much emotions that i'm feeling right now, but all i can say is the gratitude i have towards it for absolutely everything. i'll still always be a part of it i know, but it'll be different as we all grow older.

so after all that's being said and done, i will miss them all. it really saddens me that i'm leaving these all at once, because they have become a part of me. some, more than others. in any way, they have made me who i am now. these places are where i know who i am there. nevertheless, thank you, for every opportunity for me to learn and grow. they have provided me a sense of belonging, in which gives me the comfort in life.


it ain't about giving up.
this is about letting go,
so as to allow self to embrace another aspect of life you never thought you'd let into your life.
as what has been said so many times,
when one door closes, another door opens.

hello 2012.

why have you been so hard to get by.

do you know that despite being barely halfway through the year,

it is unbelievable to look back at the number of times that we have cried.

and there is also this emptiness that seems to eat us alive.

chilling to the music at the airport, studying for the last paper.

final 2 papers in poly.
lots of things to do after that.
waiting in eager anticipation.

keeping quiet doesn't mean the person has got nothing to say.
prefer to just leave it this way.
lest having more people getting hurt.