i'm unsure of what to do now.

don't want to do any more of these.

it sucks to be stabbed in the back.

i still don't get it. 

but i guess i'll never know the answer from you.

i've faced this before. i should know better.

i should be more than okay to deal with this.

yet. everywhere i go now, whenever i'm out in the open,

i feel as though someone's about to attack me from the back.

i get paranoid, but i don't want to show it.

there's this little anxiety i still feel since then.

like every act and every word has been scrutinised by everyone.

and i get nervous, skeptical and uncertain all at the same time.

my mind races with so many questions

and i know i'm getting a little too crazy.

i need to grow up.

these problems aren't huge.

i need to stop hiding. i should be all better now.

but i'm afraid i have lost it.

because i don't know how to carry on.

and before the current commitment ends, a new one on the other side has just begun for me.

and so, here we go again. 

yet another chance to be blindsided.

the wounds are still fresh.

but there's no time to rest - to heal those silly hurt.

sigh.

can't seem to stop this train.

can't seem to get off it.

hoping so much that i won't have to meet another trainwreck.

waiting to reach my last station and walk away.