i've disappeared from here for quite a while.

i shall type this post quick.

people say i'm a pessimist.
i'd be proud being an 'emo' as what they say.
but lately, 'bad' thoughts were lost as quick as they arise.
i made an effort to clear those thoughts that were deemed undesirable.

but. what is considered a bad thought.
i wouldn't say optimism is something that we should embody throughout.

afterall, we'd practiced/trained preparing for a worst-case scenario, a contingency plan.
acknowledging the fact that optimism may not always be the better value to hold onto,

i have a habit.
i'd rewatch shows that i love and cherish, and still enjoy the moments in them, despite knowing what had already happened.
could it be that i love living in the past?
damn, how i wish i know how to articulate my thoughts.
but i no longer know how to. or perhaps just something that's not welcomed there.
keeping most of the things unexpressed, avoided.

back to the days where non-happy thoughts had been appreciated.
where we thrive in negativity it seems.

how funny does it sound when i ask this:
am i happy being happy?