TRUST. NOBODY.

NOT EVEN YOURSELF.


there's a saying, treat people the way you want them to treat you.
but, what happens when you treat people nice, trust them, be there for them, let them vent anger on you, yet in return, you get nothing back except being shoved one side when they are all healed and have got back to their feet.
and maybe, they might even wish to backstab you at some point of time. out of powerhungry-ness, out of envy, out of thrill, out of i-dont-know-what.
the most ironic thing is that they came to rant and complain about how others have treated them in the first place.
it hurts to feel used. like when they have come to you in hopes that you would provide them some comfort, and then leave you, when they no longer need you.

yes, it's true that when you're angry, you say hurtful and offensive things.
but you know you don't mean it.

it's okay, i'll withdraw from all that ranting.
i'll be strong enough.



but anyway, i'm not all that upset.

i'm glad i have friends who are there for me.
they are there for me when i need them.
and come to me even when i don't go to them.
regardless of whether you need them or not, they are ALWAYS there.
it doesn't always mean being physically there though. because our lives have begun to get too busy for everyone to gather and meet up.
still, i'm grateful. and i can't show enough gratitude towards them.
because, how can i possibly take them for granted.
it's like a precious rare gem which you can't just happen to stumble upon and find every other day.
i am really really thankful. so so much.

there's a difference between avoiding and giving up.


i give up, because i know it's hopeless.
giving up isn't always bad.
we should let go so that we can embrace the better.

bye.

i can't wait for attachment to end.
i promise i'll cherish my classmates even more from now on.
and,
i have to work doubly hard for the rest of my modules.

because.
with people in your workplace turning your life upside down,
no matter how hard you try,
doing-okay is never going to happen. passing itp would be a challenge even.
i wish for everyone to get an A.
but other's mindset is: to COMPETE for the A.
which also means, people want to be the only one that look so damn good,
it doesnt matter how ugly people would like to sabotage us to look.

why waste the energy to fight a war. is it really necessary.
when instead, we could be pursuing happiness, bringing joy to others.

stop fabricating and ruining people's life.

jolene, you're pathetic.
why are you blogging at 2am in the morning.


tskkk.


ah. there, silence.


i'm looking for a place that's commonly depicted in movies.

a grass field,
a neat tree on a small hill,
a gentle breeze passing by.


i am choking on the haze.
it's so thick that i can barely smell anything else but the haze.
haha. okay, i'm a bit exaggerating on that.
but so far, i really smell nothing but haze.
oh the particles that create this haze are irritating my eyes.

JOLENE HAS DECLARED THAT SHE SHALL NOT SLEEP TILL SHE IS DONE WITH ECONS NOTES-MAKING.

my notebook right now, has full of words slanting; lines randomly going downwards and upwards.

a random thought.
the word i've encountered most often (so far) this year is:
complacency.
be it me or the people around.
who wouldnt be? when we're all comfortable with where we are now.
or where we once were.
where were our constant reminders to be humble. reminders that we regarded as something of significance; always telling ourselves never to let our guard down.
looking back at oursleves at another perspective, i realised we dont have anything so THAT good to be complacent about.
thus, we must work harder.
we must never let our comfortable living get the best out of us.
remember total defence? be vigilant, always!~


i must work harder.
i should stop lazing around in my comfort zone.


oh yes, indeed,
jolene may just be beyond hope.


ramblingggggg.
okay. i've been reflecting quite a bit.
the only problem about reflecting right now is that:
I SHOULD BE STUDYING FOR EXAMS.

urgh. i know 2 papers dont seem a lot.
BUT I SHOULDN'T BE COMPLACENT RIGHT?
RIGHT!
THERE MAY JUST BE TOO LITTLE TIME LEFT,
since i've got trainings, kayaking and visiting to do during this exam period eh.
lol.

thus,
as long winded as i am,
i have declared no sleep till i finish the daunting notes.
okay, i'm talking too much. and wasting everyone's time by going about in a circle.
in other words, i'm trying to stall time so that i wont have to get back to my notes that's going to happen all too soon.
but oh wells, i've ran out of things to say. haha.

till we meet again;

THIS IS SO CLASSIC. haha.
this shall be a random post to add to my archives of memories.

over the weeks since the start of 2010,
issues have been popping up.
and they have started to accumulate.
like i said,
i wish to sleep through 2010.
it's a long and difficult road to completing this list of things.

expectations.
too high makes the fall hurt much more.