the 4 full days of training was... just really indescribable.
estimated 12 hours in hta everyday.
so much things were going in my head.

like i said, it comes in waves.
one minute i feel fine,
the next i'm feeling the wrath of it all.

when the final training of the year ended yesterday,
reality reared its ugly head again,
and i knew i said it's fine,
but i can't help but feel the immense pain as i witness it happening right before me.
i should never have let my guard down, and went unprotected.
because i became vulnerable,
and thus, i allowed this to strike me in the heart so easily.
i let you into my heart,
you stayed there for a while,
then you created havoc there,
and you left, leaving behind a mess- your destruction.

so, it's the end of 2010.
looking back from the first training of the year all the way to the end,
so much has changed.
i never thought things can ever turn out this way.
if you were to tell me at the start of 2010 that things were going to become like this right now,
i would have laughed and find it amusing.
but it did. it did happen and it's not funny.
it's freaking heartwrenching.
but today morning, i tried to fight it,
and i think i'm getting better now because it didnt hurt so much,
or that i may be already too numbed by now.
either way, i thank all my friends for being there for me,
it's definitely them which is helping me get better.
i really appreciate everyone's support, care and concern.

oh wells.
happy new year everyone.